


I Wish I Could Go Back

by NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Post-High School, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Shameless Smut, Sick Character, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-06-27 16:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500/pseuds/NotGunnaRuPaulogize51500
Summary: When Sam was little, his best friend was Grizz. When Sam got sick with meningitis and dissapeared from school, Grizz moved on; doing tap then pee-wee football. When Sam returned back to school a year later, Grizz didn't talk to him, he didn't know how. For years they stole glances each others way, but never spoke. That was until, their 5 year high school reunion.





	1. Flashbacks

Putting his car into park, Sam took a deep breath, looking over himself in the mirror. His ginger quiff was neatly pushed back, styled neatly. His skin had cleared up massively throughout the years, now it was smooth, stretched against his sharp cheekbones and even sharper jawline in a spew of freckles. He glanced into his own blue eyes reflected back at himself nervously before grabbing his phone and wallet, turning off the engine, and getting out of his car. Smoothing down his shirt, he made his way inside of West Ham High school. 

It had been five years since he had been here, and he'd be lying if he said he had missed it. The only reason he was bothering to show up was because of Becca Gelb, his best friend, who had demanded to see him all dressed up and show up all of his old classmates. She had also wanted him to bring his boyfriend for her to finally meet, but his relationship was no more, they had gotten in a huge fight the previous night and broken up, of course, over something extremely petty. Chance, had been his name. He was hearing, and got angry when Sam refused to speak. He expected it of him, because he knew sam was capable. He was supposed to meet his parents last night, and Sam had expressed not feeling comfortable speaking. Chance, had had enough at that point. Kicking Sam to the curb. Fortunately, they had only been dating for a month. Sam was determined to have fun tonight. By that, he meant get drunk. 

Making his way inside, he followed the familiar halls to the gym. Memories flooded through him as he walked down the hallway, both good and bad. He chose to focus on the good ones. Until, he stopped at the water fountain. A vivid memory of Campbell, his brother, and a few of his 'gang' shoving his head into the metal of the water fountain when he had been taking a drink sophomore year came to mind. He could remember the pain, the blurry sight of people laughing, and the sight of a pair of sympathetic brown eyes meeting his own. 

He shook the memory away, following the cheap signs to the gymnasium. 

The gym was packed tightly with Sam's graduating class. The floorboards vibrated from the volume of the music. He was grateful he couldn't hear it in that moment. Red, white and gold streamers and balloons were strung amongst the gym, tables were scattered about with blue tablecloths and gold accessories. He laid sights on the large bar, sighing to himself. He needed a drink badly. He saw quite a few familiar faces as he pushed through the crowd, his cousin, Allie was one. Another was Will, who was at Allie's side. Gordie, and Bean. They had always been kind, Gordie and Bean had even tried learning sign language for him. He was almost to the bar when a hand grabbed his wrist. Turning on his heel, he looked down to see Becca, smiling up at him. She looked beautiful, a short purple gown that was strapless and fitted her figure perfectly, her hair styled up in a tight bun. 

"Hey!" She greeted, immediately pulling him into a tight hug. 

Sam felt himself laugh, "Hey" he murmured into her hair as he hunched over to hug her back. 

When she pulled away, he was met with her killer smile, "Where's Chance?" 

Sam sighed, "Chance and I are no more," He signed, speaking quietly. 

Becca frowned, "That means, we both need a drink then!" She tugged his arm roughly, carting him to the bar. 

The bar was fully stocked, thank god. A man dressed in black was serving drinks, but that's not what caught Sam's attention, it was the familiar face at the end of the bar, drinking alone, that caught Sam's attention: Gareth 'Grizz' Visser sat on a bar stool, a glass in hand, looking like a whole ass meal. He wore a tight pair of black skinny jeans, a rose patterned black and silver button down, with a white dress coat. He still had his long hair, except now it was longer, tied back in a low small bun on the back of his head instead of his former infamous top-knot. He was tall, broad, and handsome. Just as Sam remembered him. Sam watched as something caught Grizz's attention, another man, approaching him, a bro hug following. It was Luke, another former football player like Grizz. He felt a tapping on his shoulder. 

"Grizz looks good, doesn't he?" Becca signed. 

Sam gulped, forcing himself to turn away from the sight of his former best friend, "Yeah, he does. I never would have pictured him dressing like that." 

Which was true, Grizz was infamous in high school for baggy clothes and a letterman jacket. 

"Didn't you hear?" Becca asked. 

Sam raised an eyebrow, "A deaf pun, really?" 

Becca swatted at his arm, "Grizz is gay!" She signed, causing Sam's eyes to go wide, "Well, maybe. Luke said when him and Grizz were roommates in college that he caught him with some guy, making out in their room! Like several times! He was talking about it earlier, trying to keep it low-key, but Helena ruined that. You remember her right?" Sam nodded, Becca continued signing, "Well she started repeating it over and over, louder and louder, going on about 'sin' and everything." She rolled her eyes. "Some people, apparently, don't change." 

Sam took in Becca's words, his heart felt heavy. That's why he was drinking alone. He hadn't spoken to Grizz in nearly 19 years. They hadn't spoken since Sam got minigitus. Since Sam went deaf. A wave of memories came rushing through Sam's mind, and he couldn't seem to stop them this time. 

***Flashback, 19 years ago***

***Sam's 4th Birthday Party***

Sam ran excitedly around the back yard of his home, the young child giggling as his best friend 'Grizzly Bear' chased him around with a fake balloon sword. His 4th birthday was in two days, but they were having his party early this year so his grandma and grandpa could make it before their vacation. 

"Can't get me!" Sam yelled, glancing behind to see Grizz catching up, making Sam's little legs run faster. 

"Sam, honey be careful! It's cold out, 5 more minutes. I don't want you getting sick!" Sam's mother called, her voice calm but shrill all at the same time. Sam had been battling a fever for two days, but had been determined to have his birthday party today, even though it was winter and cold out. 

The dead leaves crunched beneath the two young boys feet as they ran, their winter coats restricting their movements. Sam felt his chest contricting as he ran, making his legs slow. Grizz tackled him, bringing Sam to the ground. 

"I got you!" Grizz yelled, giggling on top of the younger boy. 

Sam giggled, but found himself coughing. His stomach felt queasy, as he pushed Grizz aside and found himself vomiting again like he had this morning. 

"Sam? Sam? Mrs. Eliot!" Grizz screamed, panic flooding him. 

Sam's vision blurred, all noises seeming to fade out as he felt himself drop to the ground. 

***One year later***

Sam's mother adjusted his new hearing aid for him, smiling down at her son sadly. "It's your first day back to school, you ready?" She asked as they stood outside of the main doors of West Ham Elementary. 

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I guess." He signed, looking around nervously. He spotted a familiar face, his best friends; Grizzly Bear. He waved at his friend, but Grizz just stared at him blankly, before walking inside of the building. 

***Middle School***

Sam felt his body being shoved to the ground roughly, the older boys running away and laughing in the middle of the gym, several bystanders stood there and laughed at him as he picked himself up to a sitting position. He noticed his hearing aid was gone, the one that supported his left ear had disappeared. He felt himself begin to panic, on his hands and knees, searching the floor for his aid. Then it appeared, quite literally, in front of his face, being held by a large set of hands. His gaze drifted up and was met with Grizz's large brown eyes glancing down at him, a sympathetic look on his face as he handed him his hearing aid. 

"Thanks." He mumbled, taking the aid from Grizz and watching him as he walked away, joining a group of designated future jocks by the basketball hoops. 

***End of Flashback***

"Sam!" Becca said, waving her hand in front of Sam's face to grab his attention. "You okay?" She signed. 

He nodded stiffly, his heart skipping a beat as Grizz glanced his way. "Yeah, I'm okay." he signed, but didn't look at her. He couldn't look away from Grizz. 

*An hour later

Grizz watched from the bar as his childhood best friend was signing to Becca Gelb, sipping on cocktails and laughing just 20 or so feet away from himself. Grizz's night was not going as planned, Luke had told Helena about what he had caught him doing sophomore year of college. And of course, at the sight of him, she had told everyone in earshot, word quickly spread. Naturally, he had been out of the closet for two years now. But, only to the few close friends he made in college, and to Luke. Luke was the only one out of the guard who had somewhat of a brain. Sadly, however, his fiancée Helena was still one for gossip. So, here Grizz sat alone, watching his former childhood best friend, Sam, from a distance. He had honestly hoped to talk to Sam tonight, but he hadn't gotten the courage. He tried drinking up the courage, but he still hated the taste of alcohol, he always had. 

Grizz felt guilty for how things had turned out with him and Sam. He wanted nothing more than to turn back the clock and change everything. When Sam got sick, and his mother explained to him what being 'deaf' was, it had scared Grizz. On the first day of kindergarten, when the kids noticed Sam and the way he looked with his hearing aids, Grizz felt pressured not to speak to him, in fear of getting made fun of. He had been scared of the whole thing. 

All throughout elementary school he had watched Sam get picked on, and done nothing. Same with middle school. He had tried to learn how to sign a few times in momentary lapses of judgement, but given up. High school, however, was the worst of them all. Especially, sophomore year. 

***Flashback to Their Sophomore Year of High School***

Grizz walked down the hallway with the rest of the guard, they had just won their last home game of the season last night, and Grizz was on cloud nine. That was until he noticed something, a loud bang and shrills of laughter. His head turned to the scene displayed in front of him: Campbell Eliot, Sam's brother, had Sam cornered at the water fountain. His little gang all laughing as Campbell shoved Sam's head into the metal, pressing on the water so it sprayed in his face. The teenagers in the hallway all laughed at the deaf gay boy being practically assaulted, even the football players. All except Grizz. He watched as Sam dropped to the floor, holding his forehead in pain, his gaze finding Grizz's. 

***End of Flashback***

Grizz regretted not standing up for Sam that day, or at least not offering him help. But, that was a different time. Grizz was questioning his sexuality, and the Sam was out and proud. Which, came with consequences. As if he weren't bullied enough for his disability, as if his brother hadn't given him a rough enough time, he was the only out gay guy in all of West Ham, meaning, he was harassed daily. Grizz always kept a close eye, the two exchanging glances in classes, but never speaking. It broke his heart. 

Grizz couldn't help but notice how good Sam looked tonight; his pale pink button down fitted his lean figure perfectly, the white skinny jeans hugged his legs, and ass, like they were made for him. His acne was long gone, and he had grown into his appearance quite well. He was handsome. Truth be told, Grizz had a crush on Sam in high school, always finding him adorable, and those blue eyes alluring. But, of course, he never said anything. But now, Sam was a man, a sinfully attractive one at that. Grizz felt his mouth water slightly at the sight of him, gulping and taking another sip of his now watered down drink. 

*

"You should go talk to him." Becca signed, giving her friend a soulful look. 

Sam shook his head violently, "No, no way in hell. What do you even say to someone you haven't talked to since you were 4? Someone who ditched you when you lost your hearing?" 

Becca sighed, giving Sam's hand a squeeze. "He's obviously having a rough time, you're the only one here who can relate to what he's feeling right now. And you know what I mean. Go talk to him, see if he's okay." 

Sam sighed, she was right. As much as he hated to admit it, he would always hold a special place in his heart for Grizz. He gave Becca a squeeze before heading to the bar, his heart pounding. 

He approached him slowly, stepping to the seat beside him and tapping his shoulder. Even when sitting, Grizz's head was almost at Sam's chin. 

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Sam spoke, pointing to the stool beside Grizz. 

Grizz's eyebrows were raised, but shook his head, gesturing to the stool for Sam to sit. 

He did, awkwardly thinking over what to say in his head in silence, swiveling around on the stool slightly before turning to Grizz, "Are you alright? You're all alone over here." He asked. 

"What?" Grizz asked loudly, unable to hear him over the music. 

Sam sighed, "I'm sorry, I don't speak very well. I asked if you were alright." He said slowly, suddenly feeling self conscious about his voice. 

Grizz felt a pang of guilt hit him, "Oh, no, you speak fine." He reassured, making sure to speak slowly like he remembered teachers in school interacting them to do when they had class discussions with Sam involved, "I'm okay I guess, It's been a rough night." 

"Do you.. Do you want to talk about it?"


	2. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz and Sam catch up, until Grizz notices people staring and whispering. Will he leave like before, or will he face his fears?

Sam and Grizz sat side by side at the bar at their high school reunion, quietly chatting. Sam oddly felt comfortable speaking with Grizz, though he guessed it had something to do with the last time they conversed, he had been speaking then. Grizz almost felt like no time had changed, despite it having been nearly 19 years since the two had spoken. He talked with him openly, like he had so many years before. Sam's eyes were still the same; kind and soft, filled with emotions. But up close, he looked like an entirely different guy than when they were in school together; well defined features, clear skin, lean and broad. He had grown into his body, he was handsome. It was hard to concentrate on his words and not get lost in those eyes. He noticed how Sam always signed when he spoke, adding even more emotion to his words. For someone who hadn't heard a single sound in 18 years, he could speak very well and clearly. 

Grizz hadn't changed much physically, aside from his hair being longer and more neatly styled. He was still magnificently tall, towering over Sam and just about everyone else. He still had the same broad shoulders and muscular form. His face shape was still very much the same, except now showed the reminients of him having shaved. The only obvious change had been his style; in high school he sported sweat pants, loose jeans, t-shirts, flannels, and a letterman jacket. Now he wore tight fitted slacks, a tightly fitted, black and silver rose embroided dress shirt that shimmered in the light, and a sleek white dress coat that was opened. He looked more himself, like he was comfortable in his skin finally. Dressing the way he wanted to, and Sam admired that. 

"So, you're upset that you feel that you didn't get the coming out you deserved?" Sam asked, after Grizz's retelling of the start of the evening that had wound him up sitting alone drinking. 

Grizz nodded, "Yeah, I know it sounds stupid..." 

Sam shook his head, "No, it doesn't. Coming out is your thing, on your time, and Luke took advantage of that. Well, more so Helena. They didn't have the right. But you have every right to be upset. I get it, trust me, I've been there." 

Grizz felt a pang of guilt, Sam was right, he had been there. Except it had been teen times worse when Sam was outed. Campbell had filmed his brother watching gay porn, took pictures of his magazines and screenshots of his internet history; he made a slide show and played it at the school assembly. He had been suspended for it, of course, but it didn't help Sam any. The whole school knew his big secret, and gave him hell for four years. At least for Grizz, he only had to see these people once every 5 years. For Sam, these halls would always haunt him. He was honestly surprised to see him here. 

"I'm sorry.. Why did you come tonight? I mean, I don't remember high school being a good experience for you." Grizz said, being sure to speak slowly. His heart thudded as Sam watched his lips. 

Grizz's lips were harder to read than most, they didn't move much. It was more his teeth and tongue that formed the words than his lips. 

"Becca. She hadn't seen me since my college graduation, and she wanted to meet my.. Well my now ex boyfriend." 

The word 'ex' oddly gave Grizz comfort, Sam was single. Grizz had dated a few guys in college, none had worked out. In truth, he always had Sam on his mind. 

"I see, so uhm.. Why aren't you over there with her still?" He avoided the topic of his ex, for now. 

Sam chuckled to himself, "She had other people she wanted to catch up with. Plus, she said I should talk to you while she went to speak to Kelly. So here I am." 

"Why did she want you to talk to me?" 

Sam sighed, "She knows, both about how we used to be friends and how you were outed tonight. She felt I should talk to you, considering I've been where you are. I'm glad I did though." Sam added, not wanting to sound like he had been entirely forced into the situation. 

Grizz felt himself smile, "WHy's that?" 

Sam's gaze found Grizz's, "I've missed you. It's funny, most childhood friends separate naturally. But, I guess, given our circumstances, it was far from natural. I don't know.. I always found myself missing you now and again. And I'm glad that im able to talk to you now, when you need to talk to someone who understands. I always knew there was another gay and repressed guy at West Ham, just never thought it would be you." 

Grizz chuckled at his dry humor despite himself. "Yeah.. I uhm.. I feel the same. I mean, it's nice to talk to someone who gets it. I just...Uhm.. Fuck, I'm just so sorry sam, for how things worked out. But, you were right, I was gay and repressed, even back in high school." He tried to keep the mood light, but there were hundreds of things he wanted to say. But he just couldn't say them. 

"Well, lets not talk about the past right now. But, how come you never said anything in high school?" Grizz felt his heart skip a beat, "I mean you could have told me you were gay. I was out back then." 

Grizz felt a sigh of relief when Sam dropped the subject of their years of silence. "I don't know, I just.. I wasn't ready.. And, I didn't know how to just approach you like that." 

Sam nodded, he understood. Grizz noticed people watching them, he could hear their whispers and feel their eyes and their accusations and assumptions. Part of him wanted to run. Grizz's eyebrows raised when he heard a slow song playing, couples flooding to the small dance floor to dance. A sudden urge came upon him, and he decided to go for it. Fuck it, fuck their opinions. He wanted to dance with another man, so he was going to. And that man was Sam Eliot. 

"Would you like to uhm.. Would you like to dance?" Grizz asked Sam, gesturing to the dance floor. 

Sam felt his heart skip a beat, suddenly nervous. But, he nodded, nonetheless. 

Grizz rose to his feet, holding out a hand for Sam to take. Sam hesitated for a moment, noticing a few eyes lingering on them, but reached out anyway, and took it. Grizz's large hands were oddly soft, capturing Sam's and helping him rise to his feet. The pair felt shivers run up their arms at the contact. They hadn't talked in 18 years, let alone touched. Now under much different circumstances. Grizz lead Sam out to the dance floor, ignoring the turning of heads they left in their wake. They found a relirivily clear section of the dance floor near the center right, Grizz finally turning to face Sam, his heart pounding as he looked down at him. He was grateful when Sam took the reigns, placing Grizz's hands at his hips, Sam resting both of his hands on Grizz's broad shoulders, having to reach up quite a bit to reach them. 

The two awkwardly swayed for a bit, Grizz captivated by how Sam managed to sway to the beat. He remembered hearing awhile back that deaf people could follow music by feeling the vibrations, it must be true. The slow songs continued; old friends, couples, and new friends all enjoying the sweet moments of soft music and closeness. Sam's anxieties slowly melted away as they danced, letting his eyes look up to find Grizz looking down at him. Those large brown orbs holding so much emotion, it made Sam's heart skip a beat. 

"I'm so sorry." Grizz blurted out, letting out a sigh. 

Sam raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?" He spoke, not bothering to sign. He liked the feeling of holding Grizz and vise versa. 

"I'm sorry for just ditching you when shit got rough, and for not speaking up throughout the years for you. I should have said something, not been such a shit person and I-" 

Sam cut him off with a raised hand, "Breathe, Grizz. You're speaking too fast. You don't need to apologize. We were kids, shit happens. It's in the past." Grizz let out a sigh of relief. "I do have one question though." 

Grizz nodded, blinking away the tears in his eyes as they swayed slowly. "Did you ever notice me? Like in high school?" 

Grizz let out a soft laugh, "Of course I did, I always kept an eye on you. I noticed everything. God.. I uh.. I feel so bad still, for not defending you.. But yes, I did notice you." 

"In what way?" 

Grizz sighed, "Every way. How people treated you, how much you changed throghout the years. Truth be told, you were my first boy crush." 

Sam laughed, "Oh really? Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I was too caught up in being straight. I still notice you, you've changed a lot since high school." 

Sam felt his cheeks go red, "I'd like to think so." 

"No, really, you have. You used to be so shy and frail almost, always inside yourself. But now? You've grown into yourself. You were adorable back then, now you're more than that. Handsome, even.." Grizz said, his eyes looking anywhere but at Sam. Afraid of what he might say. 

"I could say quite the same about you, but you've always been handsome. Now you just look more comfortable with yourself, the tight clothes suit you better, I have to say." 

Grizz let out a laugh, feeling both flattered and relieved. He was surprised when Sam rested his head on his chest, still swaying along to the beat of the music. He held him closer, relishing in the feeling of Sam being in his arms. He glanced up, noticing nearly every set of eyes on them, feeling his stomach churn. But that feeling soon went away when Sam spoke up. 

"Your heart is beating really fast. I can hear it." His head lifted up, looking at Grizz, "Are you okay?" 

Grizz nodded, "More than okay." 

***


	3. After the Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz and Sam dance the night away, but what will happen after the dance? Read here to find out

The couple danced in their own little world, Sam's head on Grizz's chest, and Grizz holding Sam close. Getting lost in the feeling of having Sam in his arms after all of these years of regret. But something felt different now, like the aptmosphere and circumstances between the couple had changed. Which; they had. They were both out and proud, hadn't spoke in years. There were so many things left unsaid. Grizz knee the reunion was ending soon, but he held onto Sam as if if he let go, he might loose him again forever. That thought horrified him.

The pair were interrupted when Becca Gelb approached Sam, tapping his shoulder. She had Kelly on her arm.

"Hey, we're headed out." She signed and spoke.

Sam pulled away from Grizz, a coldness washing over him. "Do you want me to walk you out?" Sam offered.

She shook her head, giving a knowing glance to the two men. "No no, Kelly's got me. But you too have fun, Kay?" She said, giving them a wink.

Grizz felt his heart skip at her insinuation. It was true though that the reunion was coming to an end. Most of their classmates had left or were headed out, the music dying down.

"Maybe we should go?" Sam offered, gesturing to the emptying gymnasium.

Grizz hated to agree, but he did, making sure he had everything before walking side by side with Sam towards the parking lot.

"This is me." Sam spike, gesturing to the white Prius parked near the front.

Grizz felt a sense of dread wash over him at the notion of leaving already. "How long will you be in town?" He asked, almost feeling embarrassed.

"The rest of the week. Then I'll be going back to the city, Boston I mean. So I'm not too far off." It was Monday evening, meaning only 6 more days until Sam was gone.

Grizz has his hotel booked until Thursday. Meaning less time.

"Would you want to grab some late breakfast with me? There's a Waffle House by my hotel just outside of West Ham if you'd like to join me. Catch up some more."

Sam pondered for a moment, "Would you mind driving?" He asked, signing along with his words as he normally did. "I don't have enough gas. Only enough to get home."

Grizz smiles, "Yeah of course. I could pick you up from your house if you'd want to drop your car off first."

Sam nodded, "Alright. Do you remember where my house is?"

Grizz nodded. "Yeah I'll see you there."

The five minute drive to Sam's childhood home was full of anxiety for Grizz. He kept repeating over and over : this will be good. This will be okay. It will be okay.

When they both parked in Sam's driveway, Grizz decided to wait in his car for Sam, unlocking the doors. He watched as Sam emerged from his own car and headed to his passenger side, getting in. Grizz was immediately hit with his scent; pine, cinnamon, and mint. It was intoxicating.

"You ready?" Grizz asked, turning to Sam. Sam Gave him a nod and they hit the road.

It was late, around 1am. Grizz was surprised Sam had wanted to go with him so late but he decided not to question it. The 15 minute drive seemed to go on forever, due to the silence, and Grizz decided to turn on some music. Michael Jackson played on the radio.

"Can you turn that up?" Sam asked.

Grizz was shocked but complied, reaching forward and blasted the music up. He watched from the corner of his eye as Sam tapped his foot and shakes his body in time with the music. He was captivating. Odd, but in a good way.

Finally arriving to Waffle House, Grizz put the car in park. "Hungry?" He asked. Sam smiles and nodded, grabbing his phone and exiting out of the car. Grizz took a deep breath and did the same.

They walked side by side and entered the restaurant. Taking their seats, a waitress quickly made her way over to them, speaking today's specials at a dangerously fast rate.

"Sorry but can you slow down?" Sam spoke, signing so she would get the message. Her eyes went wide in realization.

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry." She said, speaking louder than before making Grizz cringe. Is this what he had to deal with all of the time?

He ordered his own food before addressing Sam, "I'm sorry you have to deal with that stuff all the time." Grizz said.

Sam chuckled, waving a hand of dismissal. "I'm used to it. Believe me." He said, signing. 

Grizz shook his head, he hated that. Sam shouldn't have to deal with all that shit, he thought to himself. People's ignorance. As if speaking louder to a deaf person would make them hear you. 

"So, What did you go to school for?" Sam asked.

"English literature education. You?"

Sam smiles, "Sign language interpretation. I want to interpret for plays and musicals and stuff like that. I have a job coming up in NYC, interpreting for Dear Even Hanson."

Grizz smiled, "That's amazing. I've been teaching for a year in Brooklyn, high school level. It's difficult but manageable."

The pair chatted for sometime, the conversation dying down once their meals arrived. Then reviving itself once they had finished eating. The conversation went on and on, as if making up for lost time. Which, in truth, they were. They had lost so much time already, and were not prepared to loose anymore. Grizz liked to think that this was somewhat making up for his mistakes, but he felt he had a lot further to go. They talked until 3 am, when Sam announced he was exhausted.

"I'll drive you home." Grizz said, smiling.

The drive back was quiet. Except for the music of course. Sam liked Loud music. He said he loved the way the vibrations felt. Grizz foundhimself smiling over and over as Sam danced in the passenger seat carelessly. Sam was just as carefree listening to music as he had been when they were little, Grizz thought. They had been in tap-dancing together, Sam loved to dance. Of course, Grizz's mother took him out of it. He supposed she suspected early. Grizz hardly ever went the speed limit, but he was this time, afraid if he sped then he'd loose more time. But Grizz felt sadness well up inside him once they arrived in Sam's driveway once again.

"I had a nice time tonight." Sam said, his hand on the door handle.

"Me too. Can I see you again before I leave?"

Sam nodded, "Give me your phone. I'll put my number in it and you can text me if you'd like?"

Grizz handed his phone over perhaps too quickly. He watched as Sam's thumbs danced over the screen before handing his phone back to him, his finger tips brushing against the palm of Grizz's hand. Making him shiver.

"Goodnight." Sam murmured, giving Grizz a sad smile before leaving, closing the door behind him and disappearing into the darkness

***   
The next day

Sam received a text message from an unknown number at 3:30pm.

To Sam: Hey, it's Gareth. Well, Grizz. What are you up to today?"

Sam smiled down at his phone. Did he go by his first name now?

To Grizz: Hey, 'Gareth'. Not much, just been laying around reading. Mom and dad are out today. They're in the city visit Campbell.

Grizz vaguely remembered about Campbell being arrested.

To Sam: Mind some company?

And that's how the pair ended up on Sam's bed, Sam teaching Grizz sign language. Grizz was dressed more casual today; a pair of white skinny jeans and a black t-shirt with a red flannel and vans. Sam looked his usual, jacket and sweater. But Grizz thought he looked stunning nonetheless. They were going over the alphabet, and Grizz had been breezing through each letter until the letter 'k' came up, he kept messing it up over and over. 

"No 'k is like this" Sam repeated the letter for Grizz.

But Grizz fucked it up again, laughing. "Why is this so hard!?"

Sam laughed. "Here." He reached over and manipulated Grizz's fingers into the right shape.

Grizz felt his whole body tingle at the sensation of Sam's hand wrapped around his own. Sam's hand lingered for a moment, before pulling away. "There, perfect." Sam said, signing along with his words. 

They continued along with the alphabet for a bit, before calling for a break, the pair exchanging stories of their college years, and their job's they had had up until now. Sam's college experience had been rather normal, similar to high school, apart from the bullying. Grizz's, however, had not. It had been full of experimenting, partying, long nights studying, and some nights crying. He had tried coming out to his family his sophomore year of college, but it hadn't gone too well. So, he had pretended it never happened, lying to them over the phone and saying it was a joke his 'girlfriend' came up with. 

Sam told Grizz about his ex, chance, and how he treated him. It made Grizz sick to think of someone expecting such things out of Sam, or anyone for that matter. IT was so inconsiderate. But, then again, Grizz felt sick about his own actions. 

They fell into the conversation again about high school, much to Grizz's regret. He was surprised to find out how calm Sam was about it all, and how forgiving. But he could see, in Sam's eyes, that there was pain there. Just beyond the surface. 

"Sam, can I ask you something?" Grizz spoke up after a few moments of silence. 

Sam nodded. 

"Are you mad at me? For everything, I mean." 

Sam sighed, pondering for a moment. "No, not anymore. I was confused and angry for a long time, hurt. I cried a lot, to be honest... But, I'm no longer angry, just... Confused, I guess, as to why you ditched me." He took a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing on, "I needed a friend most, back when I got sick and everything. And you left. You watched as kids tormented me, gave me hell, but you still remained silent..." His eyes were tearing up, "I'm not angry, but I'm hurt. I know I should have gotten over this by now, but I haven't. You were my first and only friend back then, and then you left. It would have been one thing had you never looked at me again, or anything. But it was the little things that hurt the most. When you picked up my hearing aid for me in gym class, when you'd join in their laughter. When you would just.." he sobbed, "Sit there and watch as they kicked me... That is what hurt me the most. I'm not angry, I'm hurt. I'll get over it, with time. It helps, that you're here now. I just have always wondered why." 

Grizz felt the urge to reach out and embrace the smaller man, but held back. "I was scared, I guess. Susepctible to peer pressure. I know it isn't an excuse, but Sam, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just.. I hope that you'll forgive me one day, that I can make up for everything." Grizz felt tears springing forth In his eyes. 

The look on Grizz's face was written in pain, and it made Sam's heart break. 

"Grizz." Sam spoke, reaching out and taking Grizz's hand in his own, "I forgave you a long time ago.. You need to forgive yourself."


	4. Turning Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air quickly changes between Sam and Grizz, what will happen when their lie, leads to a revelation?

Tuesday afternoon continued

"You need to forgive yourself." Sam repeated, taking Grizz's hand and giving it a firm squeeze.

His eyes held all of the emotion in the world, as did Grizz's. Grizz's were watery and held a look of fear in them almost. Sam wasn't sure as to why. The temperature had seemed to rise in the room, and Grizz's hand held Sam's firmly, it was shaking slightly.

"I just need to know for sure that you forgive me. I can't... I can't handle the idea of you not having forgiven me."

Sam sighed, "how can I?"

Grizz thought for a moment, entirely unsure. He still held a lot of resentment towards himself, glancing down at their intertwined hands. They looked oddly perfect, Sam's freckled complexion contrasted to his own milky white skin. Like coffee and cream, beautifully mixed. It made Grizz's heart skip a beat. He glanced up at Sam, the temperature in the room seeming to rise as he found himself glancing at his lips. They were beautifully plump and in truth, Grizz had pictured kissing those lips many times, that was what confirmed his sexuality to him in reality. He felt himself leaning in, as if some magnet was attached to them both and pulling him closer to Sam, his lips were ghosting over Sam's, and Sam wasn't pulling away. Grizz felt the ghost of Sam's breath against his lips, and it made his heart pound relentlessly and his head spin. But sadly, his actions were interrupted by his phone buzzing relentlessly in his pocket.

Grizz pulled away reluctantly. "Sorry, my phone." He said, giving Sam an apologetic look.

He glanced at his phone and let out a sigh, "It's my mom." He said, signing mom. "I forgot, she wanted me to come to dinner tonight." He spoke slowly.

Sam let out a sigh. "You should go then, if you already agreed to."

Grizz shook his head, speaking slowly, "I'm not sure. Things didn't go to well last time I saw her. I tried to come out but it didn't go well. It's going to be awkward as hell. That's why I'm staying in a hotel."

Sam gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, she'll come around. If you don't want to, luckily you're an adult and you don't have to. But, maybe she'll see things differently now? That she's had some time?"

Grizz shook his head, "She refused to believe it."

"Then you've got to find a way to make her see you for you. Once you do, she'll come around. It was hard for a lot of us, you were very convincing for awhile."

Grizz chuckled, "She noticed early. So she tried to straighten me out. I guess she's in denial." An idea struck him then. "Would you uhm... would you want to join me? Maybe help me out with this? She'd love to see you anyway. It might make things easier."

Sam's eyes went wide, "you want me to join you and your mother for dinner? I uhm... I wouldn't mind, I don't have anything planned. But uhm.. Would you want to just pretend then? That I'm your boyfriend or something? I don't exactly get it."

Grizz could tell Sam had taken it the wrong way. "It isn't pretending really. For now, kinda. But uhm.. hopefully eventually it won't be pretending any longer." Sam smiled. "You in?"

Sam nodded, his heart was skipping every other beat at Grizz's words. 

***

Sam was fidgeting relentlessly at Grizz's side as they stood outside the front door of Grizz's childhood home.

"I'm just nervous I guess, and this isn't even technically real or whatever. I just." He sighed. "I'm nervous I haven't spoken to your mother in years and this is like a second coming out for you and I don't want to ruin it or be a nusensce. Do I look okay?" Sam stammered out, signing along shakily to his own words. He had changed clothes, now wearing a short sleeved burgundy button down with black skinny jeans and suede burgundy dress boots. His hair neatly styled, not a strand out of place. 

"You'll do fine, I promise. And you look great." Grizz said, looking Sam over, he looked handsome as hell. " I appreciate this a lot, you know?" Grizz spoke slowly. 

Finally, he knocked on the front door. Shuffling could be heard from inside, and soon the door was sprung open. 

Grizz's mother looked just like Sam had vaguely remembered her, aside from her now greying hair and slightly loose skin. She was beaming, her smile resembling her son's, but her smile faded when her gaze drifted down from Grizz to Sam. 

"Hello, who's this honey?" 

Sam could read her lips clearly, she had much better diction than her son. Sam assumed Grizz got his mouth shape from his father. 

"Mom, you remember Sam Eliot, right?" Grizz asked, his mother looking over Sam with realization. "Well," he put an arm around Sam's waist, "This is my boyfriend. I thought it was time you guys met, I figured tonight was the perfect opportunity. You said I could bring a guest, right?" 

His mother's face faltered for a moment. "Sam, yes I remember you! You've.. You've grown up so much!" She spoke slowly. She knew he was deaf, everyone did. He was the town's token deaf kid. "Grizz," she said, turning to glance up at her son, "When I said you could bring a guest I meant... Nevermind, come in, please." 

"Thank you, ma'am. It's lovely to see you again." Sam said, signing along to his words. 

The two young men followed the middle aged women inside, exchanging uncomfortable looks while she escorted them inside. 

"Dinner is almost ready! You two can sit and-" 

Grizz cut her off, "Mom, turn to face Sam when you speak to him please, so he can understand you." 

She had her back to them as she walked and had been talking over her shoulder. She suddenly felt embarrassed. Turning to them, "I'm sorry. I was just saying that dinner is almost ready. You're not allergic to anything, are you Sam?" She spoke slowly, unsure of herself and Sam's capability to understand her. 

"No, ma'am. I have no allergies, thank you though, Ms. Visser." 

She was impressed with his speech, and manners, but still hesitant. She always had been. She remembered that quite a few years ago, the church had them pray over the young man to 'heal' him of his impure thoughts and silent life. Apparently, it didn't work. 

The pair sat down on the sofa, the house still looked how Sam remembered. Just more photos hung everywhere.

Sam motioned for Grizz to read his lips, "Your mother seems stressed." He signed.

Grizz shrugged, "It would have been worse if you weren't here."

Grizz's mother appeared in the entrance way. "Dinner is ready, come sit."

The two men exchanged looks before rising to their feet, making their way to the dinner table. Grizz noticed there were four placemats set.

"Who's the other for?" Grizz asked, pointing to the extra plate.

"Your father. I invited him, he should be here in a few minutes."

Grizz's fears were confirmed and his eyes went wide, "Why in the hell did you invite him?" He asked, his voice raised. He could feel anger bubbling inside of him.

His mother let out a sigh, "I told him you were coming for dinner so he said he'd come. He wants to see you, Grizz."

Sam knew his parents had divorced while they were in middle school. It had been very nasty apparently. His father was a drunk back then.

"Will his habit be joining him? I hoped you locked the liquor cabinet."

The door bell rang, All heads turning towards the door except for Sam's, who didn't notice until a familiar looking man walked through the door. Grizz's father looked aged, but in a good way. He had lost weight, and had salt and pepper hair. His face shape was broad but his smile was the same as Grizz's.

'I'm sorry.' Grizz mouthed, resting his hand in Sam's lower back.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. There was traffic on the interstate. Gareth! You've grown." Grizz's father announced, looking his son up and down.

"You haven't seen me since my 8th grade year, dad. It's been 10 years." He snapped, Sam I strictly reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze of reassurance before quickly letting it go before anyone noticed.

"Let's sit. The food is ready." Grizz's mother said sternly, giving Grizz a stern look.

They all sat in an awkward silence for awhile, eating their food.

"So, Gareth, who's your friend?" Grizz's dad asked.

"You remember Sam right? Sam Eliot?"

His dad nodded for a moment before nodding. "Yes! The boy who went deaf right?"

"Jason!"

Grizz went red, and was seeing red too. But Sam interjected, "It's alright, deaf isn't a dirty word. Yes, sir. That's me."

Grizz's dad smiled as if he hadn't done anything wrong, "I haven't seen you since you were a little one! You and Grizz were the best of friends weren't you? Why have you joined us tonight?"

"Jason-"

"He's my boyfriend." Grizz blurted out, causing his mother and fathers eyes to go wide.

Grizz's fathers eyebrow raised, looking his son up and down, then his gaze moving to Sam.

"Boyfriend? Huh. Guess the football didn't work out then. Or it did, for the wrong reasons."

Grizz's mother banged on the table, "enough. Let's just, please, have a nice meal together? Is that too much to ask?"

Sam suddenly felt for Grizz's mother, and for Grizz. They didn't deserve this. He felt like he shouldn't be here, like he was only making things worse. But he continued to eat, nonetheless.

"The chicken is amazing, ma'am. Thanks again for dinner." Sam complimented, giving Grizz's mother a shy smile.

"You talk well for a retarded kid, I'll give you that."

Grizz stood up abruptly, "Don't! Don't you ever say that word, ever! Especially not around him. Or me." His voice was raised but firm, slightly wavering with anger.

Sam placed a hand on his arm, gesturing for him to sit back down. The rest of the meal was quiet, even Sam noticed the awkward silence and suffocating tension between the family. He wanted to run, to scream. Anything. He could only imagine what Grizz felt.

After gathering their plates, Grizz's mother proposed Grizz show Sam around. That they hang out upstairs while she talked to his father. Sam was grateful, as was Grizz, for the invitation to leave. Grizz showed him all around the bottom floor quickly before heading up to his old room.

Closing the door, he immediately turned around and said to Sam, "Fuck Sam I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. I didn't know he'd be here." He was pleading with Sam, feeling even more guilty now.

Sam gave Grizz a smile, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine, Grizz. Nothing I hadn't heard before. It's okay, really." He could see the tears threatening to spill from Grizz's eyes, making Sam's heart break. "I promise Grizz. It's okay. Come on, let's sit. This is your room?"

Grizz nodded , sniffling. He sat besides Sam on the bed, his body slightly turned to face him. He was so grateful for him in this moment. He was so kind, so gracious and thoughtful. He had just brought Sam into a situation where he was insulted and ridiculed and Sam was comforting him? 

He turned to face him, "You're amazing, you know that?" 

Sam chuckled, "I know. But so are you." 

Grizz shook his head, "No, I'm not. I don't understand why you're so kind to me after everything I did." 

Sam sighed, "You didn't do anything wrong Grizz."

"I didn't do anything, you're right. And that's what I did wrong, was stay silent." 

Sam reached over and squeezed Grizz's hand, giving him a sad smile, "I forgave you for that, Grizz. It hurt, but I forgave you. You're here now, that's what matters." 

That urge came up, as it had before, to kiss Sam. Looking into those frozen blue eyes, that seemed to captivate Grizz like nothing else, he wanted nothing more. But, he didn't want to overstep, or to be rejected. He thought back to earlier, to their almost kiss. Sam didn't pull away. The temperature in the room seemed to rise again, and Grizz tried to think of a clever way to go about it, he didn't want to just kiss him, that would be too cliche. 

"Hey Sam? Could you teach me one more phrase in sign language?" He murmured, glancing down at their intertwined hands, scared to face him. 

"Yeah, of course." 

Grizz let out a shaky breath, his eyes watering again as he looked down, "How do you say 'kiss me'?" 

He was petrified in that moment, so scared Sam would reject him. Tell him it was too soon or that he couldn't after all Grizz had let happen, especially after that bomb shell of a dinner. To Grizz's pleasant surprise, he felt Sam scoot closer, his heart seemingly stopping when he felt Sam's gentle hands cupping his cheeks. He refused to look up, scared sam might back out or he might even pass out if he looked into Sam's eyes. He could see Sam now, his lips ghosting over his own. He stayed there for a moment, still. The ghosting of his breathing wafted over Grizz's lips, making him shiver. Finally, that magnet seemed to give way, Sam's lips finally pressing against his own. He felt his breathing catch, and his heart stop, his whole body felt like it was on fire. An addicting fire that Grizz couldn't get enough of.

When Sam felt Grizz kiss him back, confirming what he had read from his lips, Sam let out a sigh, a million different emotions flooded through him, confusing his mind. yet, all he could focus on was the feeling of Grizz's soft lips against his own. Grizz tasted sweet, like mint, his lips emanating a feeling of intense heat against Sam's, it was intoxicating. Sam's tongue drifted over Grizz's bottom lip, their lips moving in perfect sync. As if they were meant to kiss each others. 

This felt right, Sam thought. It was right, he kissed Grizz desperately, scared this moment might be tarnished. He felt Grizz's hand drift to his thigh, making Sam's skin quake at the sensation. He craved more. 

Grizz pulled away abruptly, leaving Sam confused until he realized they weren't alone. Grizz's mother stood in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest and a ghostly expression across her face. Sam's eyes darted between Grizz and his mother, honestly afraid of what might happen now. His mother stood, her jaw dropped in shock, opening and closing like a fish out of water. 

"Grizz, I think it's time your friend left." 

Sam felt his heart dropped and he instantly reached for his phone and wallet. 

"No!" Grizz spoke up, catching Sam's attention, "I'm an adult, you can't tell me who I can and cannot be around. You can't tell either of us what to do." 

"Gareth, lets talk in private." 

Grizz cut her off again, "No, whatever you have to say you can say to the both of us." 

Sam looked like a deer in the headlights his eyes were so wide, his heart pounding and his lips still tingling from Grizz's kiss. 

She sighed, her hands dropping. "Fine, I don't want to see you two doing that under my roof, never again. I refuse to bare witness to that, lord knows what else would have happened if I hadn't walked in." 

Grizz rolled his eyes, "I didn't exactly plan on fucking in this house mother, not that it would be the first time." 

"GARETH VISSER! LANGUAGE! I will NOT have you talking to me like that." 

Sam felt like he might get whiplash from his head going back and fourth between the pair. 

"Fine, mother, we're leaving." 

Sam got the message, gathering his phone, keys, and wallet and rising to his feet, keeping his head hung low as he followed Grizz past his mother, and out of the house. 

***


	5. Grow As We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz want's to take Sam on a proper date, he planned all night and morning to make the day and night special for him, including the way the date ends. 
> 
> MAJOR SMUT WARNING  
> FLUFF TOO   
> AFTERCARE   
> YOU'RE WELCOME

Wednesday

Grizz had stayed up till 4am this morning, then woken up again at 10. Not because he was upset or his mind was preoccupied, but because he was planning. He wanted to do something special for Sam. Prove to him that he was sorry for everything and that he was serious this time. He didn't plan on going anywhere, and he intended to show him that.

It was a little past 3 now, and he had texted Sam to meet him at his hotel at 3:30. He had a big day planned, and evening, and didn't want to be late.

They had a 2 hour drive ahead of them, and Grizz had made sure he had the hotel room ready for when they got back, as well as everything they needed for the drive. Double checking his appearance in the mirror, he made his way towards the parking lot to double check how much gas he had left.

Right as he finished checking his car and cleaning out anything and everything he could find that would imply him being a slob, he saw Sam's Prius pull into the lot, parking on the other side of his own car. He took in a deep breath, exhaling, and walked over to the white Prius, giving Sam a smile as he approached him.

"Hey, you made it right on time." Grizz greeted as Sam got out of his car and closed the door.

"Yeah, I made sure to leave a bit early. What's going on? You still haven't told me what we're doing. And why we both wearing such nice long sleeved clothes in 90 degree weather?"

Grizz silenced him with a quick kiss. "You'll see soon. But, come on. We've gotta hit the road if we want to make it in time. Oh wait!" He said, pausing in front of Sam and signing the words , 'Thank you for coming, you look handsome.'

Sam raised an eyebrow and smiled, he was impressed. "Did you learn all that last night?"

Grizz waved a hand of dismissal, "I'm determined. Now come on, get in." He said, opening the passenger side door of his SUV.

The two hour car ride was much more tolerable with Sam at his side, Micheal Jackson blaring through the speakers, laughter being exchanged between the two. After awhile, Sam's eyes drifted to the window. Watching as the surrounding Forrest's turned into desolate land, then to the distant sight of water.

"Grizz? Where are we? Are we near the coast?"

Grizz chuckled, "Ever been to Cape Cod before?"

Sam's eyes went wide. He had never been to the beach, in fact. He never learned to swim. "We're going to the beach?"

"That's part of it. And I know what you're thinking, I've got a swimsuit for you too in the back." He turned and gave Sam a smirk before turning his attention back to the road.

Sam couldn't hide the smile on his face, nor his nervousness. He had told him to dress nice, so he had. Wearing a black button down and black fitted jeans, as well as his pair of blue suede shoes. Which still didn't make since if they were going to the beach. Grizz looked immaculate, wearing all black but his white dress coat that he had worn to the reunion. His long hair was slicked back, however, instead of in a pony tail. He looked good. Really good.

The impurest of thoughts came to Sam's mind, but he ignored them. Trying to push them away. He had the sudden curiosity of what it would be like to take that amazing outfit off of Grizz, see what's underneath. He could tell he was built, extremely well built. The thought made his mouth water and his pants grow tighter.

It was nearly 5:30, and Sam's eyes danced around at all the sights of the bustling city they were driving to. The coast could be seen betwen every crack and alleyway. His eyes went wide again when he saw the restaurant they had pulled into; Twenty Eight Atlantic. He had heard about this place, and it now explained their nice attire. It was a 5 star restaurant with bay views, not to mention extremely overpriced. A man dressed in black approached their car, Grizz rolled Sam's window down.

"Valley parking?" The man asked.

Grizz modded, "Yup. Come on, let's go inside." He said turning to Sam. Sam did as he was told, gathering his things and getting out of the vehicle. Watching as the valley guy got in and drove it toward the back parking lot. He gave Grizz an exasperated expression.

"Grizz, this is too much. It can't be cheap-"

Grizz kissed him, cutting him off. "Don't worry about it. I've got to make an impression and I'm determined to do so. Now, come on. I've booked us a reservation."

Grizz reached down and clasped Sam's hand, smiling at him before leading them inside.

The lady at the front saw Grizz, her expression changing from bored to flirtatious as she peeled up immediately. "Hello! Do you have a reservation?"

Grizz gave her a smile, "Yes, I booked one for me and my boyfriend here. Two for Visser."

Sam chuckled, Grizz had caught on to her demeanor rather quickly. The look of disappointment on her face was almost comical, Sam had to bite his tongue as a waiter approached and escorted them to their seats.

Their table faced the windows, so as to see the large bay views. Grizz ordered a bottle of Rosé, and told Sam to order whatever he wanted from the menue. And not to worry about the price. Grizz had a job after all. He wasn't worried about this splurge. He just hoped it would all be worth it. After all, Sam was worth more than any amount of money could buy.

Sam felt as if he had eaten the best meal of his life, he sipped on the remains of his wine for while, lost in thought as Grizz watched him from across the table, Sam's gaze unable to leave the water. The sun would set soon, and he wanted to see it.

Grizz thought Sam looked captivating in that moment, in his own little world. Complete oblivious to Grizz's stare.

Grizz rapped on the table to grab Sam's attention. "You ready to head to the water? The sun is setting soon, we don't want to miss it."

Sam nodded, perhaps too eagerly.

Grizz paid, refusing to let Sam see the bill, and they made their way to the beach. Changing in separate cabanas, before Sam emerged first. He glanced at the water nervously. The ocean had always scared him. He'd hear horror stories involving drowning online and he vowed to never even approach the water. But look at him now.

When Grizz emerged from the changing room, his eyes watched Sam's back for a moment, drinking him in. His toned back and broad shoulders were beautifully sculpted, covered in constellations of freckles. He was beautiful.

He placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, causing Sam to jump.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Grizz said once Sam was facing him. "You ready?"

The pair walked along the sand, Sam's eyes drifting between Grizz's body, and the impending doom ahead of him that was the ocean. They stood a few feet away from where the water's foam lapped up against the sand.

"Sam. Why aren't you getting in?" Grizz asked, noticing Sam's hesitation.

"I uhm... I don't.. I mean I've never..."

Grizz couldn't hide the smirk on his face, "you don't know how to swim?"

Sam shook his head, slightly embarrassed.

"I can teach you, if you'd want."

Sam nodded, "Okay."

Grizz held Sam's hand firmly as they walked into the water, it was much colder now that the sun was setting. Once the water was up to Sam's torso and to Grizz's bellybutton, he decided to start their lessons.

"I'm going to teach you how to float, okay? So I'm going to hold you up, and you put your weight in my arms okay?"

Sam nodded, watching as Grizz leaned down, placing one hand behind his back and the other to his legs. "Bend your knees and let me lift you up alright?"

Sam did as he was told, letting Grizz lift him into a bridal hold, loving the feeling of their skin touching surrounded by the waters current.

He looked up to watch Grizz's lips. "Now lean back, put all your weight on my arms, okay?"

Sam was horrified, but he trusted Grizz, letting his body relax as Grizz held him firmly. It was an odd sensation, the water drifting beneath him, his body felt weightless. It was oddly pleasurable. 

"Don't you dare let go of me." Sam warned. Glancing up at Grizz who was at his side.

"I already did. You're floating."

Sam's eyes went wide when he realized the sensation of Grizz's hands on his back and legs were gone, causing him to slosh around and fumble in the water, landing against Grizz and nearly toppling him over.

He splashed water in his face, "Asshole!" He proclaimed, laughing. Grizz was wearing a shit eating grin, and pulled Sam close so that their bodies were touching; his arms linked around Sam's waist, forcing Sam to look up at him.

"You love it though." He commented lowly, before leaning down and capturing Sam's lips in a deep kiss.

The kiss was different this time, no hesitation nor holding back, just pure passion. Sam's hands drifted to Grizz's waist, holding him firmly, determined not to let him go again. He couldn't risk that. That familiar flame was lit again between them, making Sam press himself closer to the taller man. Their tongues collided and Sam felt the vibrations from Grizz's moans against his lips. He loved that feeling.

Grizz pulled away, glancing down at Sam. "Do you uhm... want to continue this in my hotel room?"

Sam looked up at him, the way he looked with water dripping down his...

He nodded, perhaps too eagerly.

*   
They were an hour into the drive back, Sam glancing out the window, watching the east coast sun disappear. Meanwhile Grizz was lost in thought. He was nervous. Really nervous. He had slept with two other guys in college, and one girl in high school. But they had meant nothing. Just experiments or people using him. This was different. Sam was different. He cared for Sam, and wanted this to be special. He needed to tread carefully.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Sam's hand found his thigh, his fingertips ghosting over the exposed skin of his inner thigh and stroking his leg slowly. Grizz glanced at Sam and noticed his eyes appeared darker, he was biting his lip and was turned to him from the passenger seat.

"What are you doing?" Grizz asked, gasping when Sam's hand palmed at his swim trunks.

"How good of a driver are you?"

Grizz chuckled. "I'm not sure how good I'll be if you keep doing that."

He let out a soft moan as Sam gripped him tighter, trying his best to focus on the road ahead. "Sam, you don't have to."

"I know, but I want to try."

"Yes but I know you and-"

"Then you should know better than to try to talk me out of it. Just, try not to kill us."

Grizz shut his mouth, keeping his eyes glued to the road as he felt Sam's hands untying his trunks. He lifted his hips as Sam tugged then down slightly to allow him better access. He let out a gasp as he felt Sam's fingers wrap around his length tentatively. Gently stroking him, finally circling the base of his length in the shape of an o. His fingers stroked him inquisitively, causing Grizz to nearly swerve off the road at the much needed friction. Then, there was this blissful wet warmth enveloping him, and he dropped his head back slightly, a guttural moan escaping from his windpipe, his eyes straining to focus. He could feel the pad of Sam's tongue licking his tip, like damp silk, and the grope of his lips dragging over him. All of Grizz's blood rushed to his groin as he nearly swerved again, grateful for the empty highway now more than ever. All he could seem to focus on was the wet and soft feel of Sam drowning him.

Sam's movements were by no means confident, but god they were skilled, but Grizz would swear to god that his inconfidence made it all even more intense. Every lick of his tongue, and every pull of his mouth felt delicate and smooth, like it was more the kiss of his breath folded around his erection than actual physical contact. When Sam did something between a blow and a sucking motion, Grizz nearly lost control of the car. Sam's throat closed around him felt immaculate and Devine, he wasn't sure if it was from the months without a release or if it was just because it was Sam. But he was dangerously close. He gripped the wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white. Grizz could feel that familiar heat behind his navel grow stronger, and that coil in his groin unraveling as one of his hands gripped Sam's hair for dear life, the other gripping the wheel, as his release came. He let out moan after moan, the road a blurry mess as Sam swallowed every last bit of him before he had to practically yank Sam off of him. Unable to take anymore.

Sam lifted up, glancing at Grizz as he wiped away at his swollen lips. Then they saw the sign; "now entering West Ham". Grizz's hotel was one minute away, and it felt like the longest minute of both of their lives.

They laughed and stumbled about to Grizz's room, Grizz fumbling with the pass key as he shoved open the door, Sam clinging to his side and giggling into his neck. The moment the door was closed, Grizz had Sam pressed firmly against it, the limits of his patience were judged by milliseconds as Sam's lust blown eyes darted from Grizz's gaze to his own mouth.

Grizz kisses him roughly, unable to hold back any longer and prepared to drown in Sam if he'd let him. Sam responded almost immediately, parting his lips so Grizz could nip, suck, and lick at his lips with a blissful ease. Sam could feel Grizz's relentless heartbeat against his own chest as he clutched his face; his fingernails drawing teasing patterns by his ears and down his neck, tugging at the loose hairs roughly. Griping Sam's waist tight, Grizz grind his hips into Sam's groin, feeling his moan vibrate against his own lips. It trickled down his spine and tickled that dangerous spot between his hips, and he kissed Sam harder.

Sweet wet, mangled sounds lingered between them as they grew more frantic; as if making up for lost time. Grizz drug his teeth against Sam's bottom lip, down his chin, and to his throat. His back dangerously arched, Sam's pulse drummer against his tongue as his dreamy sighs danced around his forehead as he nipped greedily at Sam's flesh.

The tension that had been long brewing was getting the best of them both, Sam's hands clutching Grizz's shirt at his stomach, dipping lower and lower.

Grizz stopped for a moment, breathing Sam in.   
"Are you sure?" He panted, annunciating his words.

Sam smirked, looking up into Grizz's dark eyes, "I know you want to touch me just as I want to touch you. I'm more than sure."

Sam wasn't sure where his boldness came from, but he could tell Grizz didn't mind the words by the sudden pressure against his hip.

Grizz's sigh of surrender tickled Sam's tonsils as he latched onto his mouth; finding that Grizz tasted of red wine and promises tonight and it was alluring. Intoxicating even. The lustful twitch in Grizz's stomach came back to life as he groped at Sam with all of the frustration he had left him with. He clutched at his hips, holding him firmly in place, determined he wouldn't escape from him again, not that he gave any indication that he wanted to.

While Sam's menstruations were slightly timid, there was no hesitation, and he matched Grizz's passion with a beautiful pace that left him feeling light headed. He laced his fingers through Grizz's thick brown locks, giving them a firm tug to bring him closer, but he would swear to god he wasn't close enough. That bold impulse came back as he dragged his hand down Grizz's torso and tugged at the seam of his shirt. His finger tips grazed across his skin as he shifted the material up, making the taller man sigh against his lips. Grizz broke their heated kiss to help him, roughly yanking his shirt over his head and tossing it aside, definitely breaking a few buttons in the process.

Sam took the stolen seconds let his eyes wonder Grizz's naked skin. He was a hypnotizing shade of moonlight; broad and yet lean, beautifully sculpted with curves that were just begging to be touched.

He barely managed a sigh of admiration until they were kissing again, frantic and sloppy, teeth and tongues clashing, but neither caring. They needed this. They needed to be close.

Grizz let his lips and teeth nip and tug down Sam's jaw, then to his chest, using this new position to hoist Sam up, his legs wrapping around Grizz's waist as Grizz lead them backwards towards the bed, his hands griping the skin of Sam's ass roughly.

The room was still dark, save the knowing glow of the tenacious moon rays, and Grizz let it engulf them both as he eased them over to the bed, setting Sam down gently. Settling behind him on the bed, Grizz could feel the anxiety in his stance. But, as he glided his hands across Sam's shoulders, he felt enough of his tension slip away enough for him to reach down and begin unbuttoning Sam's shirt. He leaned back into Grizz's chest, sighing at the feeling of his hands on his exposed chest. Grizz's fingers drifted to his swim trunks, swiftly untying them, the fabric falling loose, looking around Sam's ankles as he lifted his hips.

Sam pulled back and to the side to give Grizz a meaningful look, and Grizz couldn't help but take the moment to let his gaze wonder Sam's shape. His stomach constricted, go hard as he absorbed Sam. He was more masculine and alluring than his clothes gave way to, more so than even his brain had conjured all those years ago. By the dim light, his freckled skin and tawny features looked like toffee and ice, and for a brief moment, he was completely awe-struck.

Sam's unease became obvious as he shifted his arms to cover himself, Grizz quickly captured his lips again to erase any sliver of doubt. He shifted his hand between them to unfasten his own trunks, maneuvering them further into the bed. He felt his heart thundering as Sam helped him kick his trunks away, grasping his face quickly in a stolen kiss.

Grizz pushed him, as gently as his need would allow, into the mattress and crawled over Sam, still kissing him with great passion.

He felt the nervous seize of his muscles again as he reached down to palm Sam's erection. He deepened the kiss to distract him, pleading to any entity that would listen that Sam's insecurities would drift away, as had his.

He grazed his teeth across the bumps of his collarbone and relished the moan that escaped his lips and ghosts over his forehead. He was slowly relaxing, he could feel it. He knew that Sam could feel his desire pressed against his inner thigh as he tentatively rubbed circles along Sam's hip bones, sliding his hand between them, searching Sam's eyes for any doubts or hesitations. There weren't any.

He slowly slid his hand down Sam's thigh with medal award winning patience. He could feel Sam vibrating with anticipation and he glanced up to see him bathed in creamy moonlight, watching him with hooded eyes. He drifted and dipped himself between Sam's thighs, trying to kiss him again before Sam's hand stopped him.

"Grizz wait." He murmured. "Please go slow."

Grizz raised an eyebrow, "I thought you-"

Sam shook his head, "I've only ever fooled around. Never, you know.." Grizz's eyes went wide. "I know you've had others.." guilt hit him, "but I don't mind. I want you."

Grizz realized just how much he was giving him then, and he found it hard not to be affected by it. The lusty throbs in his chest aches for a moment with something else; something painfully pleasant that made him decide not to be selfish tonight.

Grizz nodded, leaning over to the bedside table, smirking when he found the condoms and lube in record time. He coated his fingers in the sticky substance, setting the bottle to the side with the condoms.

"I'll need to get you ready" he spoke slowly, making sure Sam could read his lips, "Hold onto my shoulders and if it hurts, breathe and grip them as tight as you need to, okay?"

Sam nodded, biting his lip.

Grizz's words seemed to rather sooth his qualms, giving him a nod of assent before craining his neck to steal a calming kiss. Grizz instantly intensified it, learning him slowly and knowing it was best to keep him distracted as his fingers ghosted over Sam's stomach before dipping between his thighs to prepare him.

He ran his finger over Sam's entrance slowly, allowing the lubrication to make him keen before slowly pushing his slicked up finger inside of him, feeling Sam's muscles clench around him and his teeth sink into his bottom lip. He seemed to quickly remember Grizz's words, gripping his shoulders and letting out a shaky breath against his lip. He moved his finger slowly, in and out, curling it before slowly adding another, waiting for Sam to relax around him before sissoring his index and middle finger inside the smaller man, kissing him deeper and more feverishly until he heard Sam let out a moan as he brushed against his most sensitive spot.

"Fuck..." Sam breathed, "Grizz. I need you, now."

He had done all he could to relax him. He tore the condom packet open and wrapped it around his length.

Grizz positioned himself appropriately, and Sam instinctively trapped his bottom lip between his teeth. Grizz stroked his length soothingly a few times before slowly pushing himself in, finally entering him. He couldn't help the velvety his as Sam dragged him in, barely noticing the desperate grip on his shoulders as all of his sensations flew south. He felt fucking fantastic, but he needed Sam to enjoy this too.

Separating their kiss he caught Sam's gaze as he said "breathe, baby. Relax. It's okay."

He knew Sam needed to accommodate him, so he fought all of his urges and remained still, resting his forehead against Sam's and hoping that his pain would subside quickly. He reached down with one hand, the other holding the headboard, and stroked Sam's length soothingly, peppering reassuring kisses along his forehead and cheeks. Carefully easing out, then filling him again, he repeated his painfully slow movements until Sam's fingers released his shoulders slightly, his hisses and winces turning to whines, and then pants. He dipped his head to the crook of Sam's neck, remembering he had been rather fond of him teasing him there as he quickened his rhythm.

Sam lost concentration as his pain ebbed, and he felt his pants grow heavy as Grizz's trusts stirred something inside of him. Every stroke seeming to flicker against the foreign sensation behind his navel that he knew was his prostate. He instinctively rithed his hips in order to get deeper, he needed Grizz to be deeper.

"Grizz, deeper please." He panted out.

Grizz lifted his head to hover his lips over Sam's; barely touching as his vilotal breaths filled his mouth and violated his tongue. Their glazed locked.

"Get on your hands and knees." Grizz annunciated, knowing that would give Sam the feeling he desired, and himself better access.

He whines as he pulled out of Sam, helping him to turn over, and pulling him back to hit his hips as he sat up on his haunches, allowing Sam to get in position as his fingers played with his entrance, mindlessly stroking himself.

Sam's ass was flush against Grizz's thighs, the sight glorious and making him grow impossibly more hard as he positioned himself again, using his thumb to keep Sam open as he coated himself with more lube, letting some drip over Sam's entrance as he entered him again. This new angle causing them both to let out audaciously loud moans as Sam's walls pulled Grizz in, engulfing him in his warmth.

Pulling out, then pushing back in, he picked up his speed, feeling that familiar heat in his groin. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer, but he'd be damned if he didn't feel Sam unravel around him. Arching his back and reaching around, he stroked Sam's length lazily and pounded into him relentlessly as his back arched against his own. His moans and delicate sounds were becoming more feverent and Grizz could feel Sam's walls beginning to tighten and constrict around his length, bringing him dangerously closer. He leaned down, bringing Sam's hips up closer as he rammed into him from behind.

"Fuck! Grizz. Right there." Sam cried, his hands grasping the sheets and his knuckles turning white.

Grizz pounded relentlessly, the sounds of their moans and skin slapping skin filled the room. Sam finally let out a stuttering cry as pulsating heat spread throughout his core and ribbons of white splattered against his stomach and the bed sheets. His control was lost as he shuddered gracelessly and allowed the bizzare but beautiful sensations to consume him. Grizz clutched him tightly as he came undone, relishing in the feeling of the clenching of Sam's walls. With a few more twists of his hips, and the ripples of Sam's rapture, Grizz felt the bubble in his loins burst as he came undone inside of Sam, collapsing against his back with a loud moan.

He stayed still for a moment, letting his tremors slow before slowly pulling out of Sam, the couple sighing at the loss of heat. He discarded the condom before laying down on the bed, pulling Sam into his chest. Grizz was breathing heavily, and Sam rubbed soothing circles into Grizz's pec.

"Thank you." He said, looking up at him, "for being gentle."

Grizz smiled tiredly , kissing Sam's forehead.

The two fell asleep in each other's arms. And they both swore it was the best sleep they had ever gotten.


	6. This is not a Temporary Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after, and Grizz has to drive back to Brooklyn. But, what about Sam?

Sam stirred slightly, squinting open his eyes for a moment, before the morning light blinded him, causing him to groan. The sun was shining brightly through the thick vinyl curtains. He had never slept so soundly In his life, his whole body was melted to the soft, yet oddly unfamiliar bed. The fist thing he noticed was that his whole body was aching. The second, was that his pillow was more firm than usual, and moving. Opening his eyes again, his eyes scanned his surroundings, memories of last night came flooding back. He had stayed in Grizz's hotel room last night.. He was in his bed. Shifting himself slightly, he glanced up and was met with Grizz's sleepy, chocolate brown eyes, beaming down at him. 

"Good morning." Grizz murmured, giving Sam a smile. 

Sam smiled back sleepily, "Morning." he grumbled, raising his head and looking around, "What time is it?" His morning eyesight was failing him and the clock appeared a blurred mess of numbers. 

"It's 9:30..." Grizz spoke slowly, watching as Sam watched his lips, " Checkout is at noon.." 

It dawned on Sam then; Grizz was leaving today. Is that why he had slept with him last night? He tried sitting up, suddenly feeling rather used and gross, but his back and elbows failed him, causing him to collapse against Grizz. "Fuck." he murmured. His mind was racing a mile a minute, and his body ached. 

Grizz shifted so he was hovering over Sam, looking down at him. "You hurting?" 

Sam nodded, "Yeah, but I'm fine.." This foreign aches and pain was entirely new to Sam. He had never had sex before, let alone for so long or rough. His whole body ached, especially his knees and back side, and he longed for relief. 

"No, you're not, I can see it. Come on, let's take a shower okay? It'll help?" Grizz offered, wanting to eliviate the pain that the aftermath of their exploits had caused the boy he had grown so fond of. 

Sam sighed, "I don't know If I can walk... I'll be okay, I just need to rest I think." 

Grizz knew Sam was stubborn, but he also knew that laying around would only make him hurt worse. He had been here before, in Sam's position actually, and wanted to take care of him, to ease that pain and make him feel good again. "I'll carry you. Come on." He said, placing his arm behind Sam's back and helping him to a sitting position. 

Sam realized then that he was naked, completely naked. They both were still. Grizz stood there in all of his glory, his milky skin was somehow even lighter looking in the bright morning sun, his neck bruised from Sam's kisses, and his lips still swollen. His hair was slightly tangled; he looked stunning. Sam went to cover himself, feeling rather insecure and exposed. 

"Sam, I've seen it all, come on, help me help you to the edge of the bed." Grizz said, trying to ease his lovers qualms of insecurity. He stood at the edge of the bed, one arm still reached out to Sam, who reluctantly, took his hand and let Grizz pull him gently to the edge. 

Sam closed his eyes as Grizz placed one of his arms behind his back, and laced the other behind his knees, gathering Sam's small form into his chest and lifting him gently, carrying him bridal style towards the bathroom. He had been so gentle last night, as was being so now, so had Grizz used him? Or was he just nice enough to help him walk so he could leave? Sam wasn't sure what to think anymore. He burrowed his face into the crook of Grizz's neck and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, breathing him in, hoping this wouldn't be the last time he got to see him like this. But, part of him felt as if he knew it would be. 

Grizz carefully maneuvered them to the bathroom, turning on the light with his shoulder, and setting Sam gently down on the toilet bowl, making quick work of turning on the shower tap, hovering his hand under the spray until the water began to steam. He turned to Sam. 

"The hot water will help a lot. I'll hold you up, come on." He said clearly, walking over to the smaller man and stepping behind him, locking his arms beneath Sam's armpits and helping him to his feet. Shifting to stand at Sam's side, he helped him over to the walk in shower, Sam was limping slightly, feeling extreme pain coming from his rear and lower back, as well as his bruised knees. 

Keeping a hold on Sam, he walked them both onto the shower tiles, closing the glass shower door behind them, and settling in front of Sam, letting the water spray down on his lover and spray over his body. "I didn't mean to go so rough last night, Sam. I'm sorry. It always hurts the morning after, but it get's easier the more you get used to it." He gave Sam a reassuring smile. He could tell there was something on Sam's mind, but he needed to take care of his body first. "Here, let me get you cleaned up, love." 

He shifted around, still holding on to Sam's waist as he settled behind Sam, holding Sam's body firmly against his own, his black flush against Grizz's torso. Reaching over, he squeezed some shampoo onto the palm of his hand, massaging the soap into Sam's scalp with one hand, the other holding onto his hip to keep him steady. Sam sighed at the sensations taking over his senses; the steamy hot water flowing down his body seemed to calm his muscles and ease the ache tremendously. The feeling of Grizz's rough fingertips massaging his scalp made his head lull back and his jaw slack as he relaxed against the taler man. He was in utter bliss. Sam let out a soft moan when Grizz began massaging his shoulders, kneeling his thumbs and the balls of his hands into his sore shoulders and upper back. He was standing on his own now, but still leaned against Grizz's solid form, longing to be closer, as well as not trusting the strength of his knees. He was still rather tense though, Grizz could tell. Grabbing the bar of soap the hotel had provided, Grizz lathered Sam's body with soap, gliding the bar over his back, arms, and upper legs, peppering barely there kisses along Sam's freckled complexion. He could feel his tension releasing slightly, but not entirely. As he began reaching around to wash Sam's stomach, he noticed one of the causes of his tension, he was having morning wood. An idea dawned on him. 

He turned Sam around to face him, leaning in and pressing his lips against his lovers. The kiss was slow at first, that flame building slowly like it had before between them, before it turned wet and sloppy. The shower flowing down between the pair as their lips molded together beautifully. Grizz backed them up until he had Sam gently pressed against the shower tiles, kissing down his slack jaw and to his collar bones. 

Sam placed a hand on Grizz's chest, forcing him to look at him, "I don't think I'm ready for a round two just yet." Sam murmured. 

"Who said you'd be doing any work?" Grizz said, a smirk on his face, "Just lean against the shower and relax, alright. Let me handle this." 

Sam nodded, perhaps too eagerly, letting his head lull back against the shower tiles as he allowed himself to be consumed in the feeling of Grizz's lips on his body, and his hands running down his flesh. It made all of his blood rush south as he felt Grizz's hand wrap around his length. Looking down, he saw Grizz on his knees, looking up at him with hooded eyes, his fist wrapped around Sam's length before pressing his lips to his tip, placing a kiss there, and licking the pre-cum from his lips, before flcking his tongue over Sam's tip, causing Sam to shudder. He watched as Grizz took him to the back of his throat with ease, his cheeks hollowing, Sam's hips bucked. His hands flying to Grizz's hair and keeping a firm hold, guiding Grizz's head at a slow pace as Grizz worked him, Sam letting out soft whines and moans. The sensation of the warmth and wetness of Grizz's mouth was almost too much, and too skilled, he knew he wouldn't last much longer. But he couldn't take his eyes off of him, the sight of Grizz's lips wrapped around him was enough to send Sam over the edge. Grizz's pace quickened, his tongue lapping over his tip with every suck and stroke, Sam's grip in his hair growing tighter. Two more laps of Grizz's silk like tongue, and Sam was sent over the edge, seeing stars as he let out an obscenely loud moan, holding Grizz in place for a moment by his hair, the waves of his orgasm washing over him as he trusted his hips into Grizz's mouth involuntarily. He felt his hips go slack again as he collapsed against the shower tiles, running his hadn't through his wet hair, letting out a sigh. 

Grizz rose to his feet, wiping his lips. "Feel better?" he asked, annunciating his words, leaning down to kiss sam. Sam could taste himself on Grizz's lips. 

"Yeah, but uh,... Don't you need-" 

Grizz cut him off, holding up a hand, reveling a white substance on his palm. "Already did, thanks to you. I've never done that before." 

Sam's eyes went wide, "What, done.. that? Like with your mouth?" 

Grizz chuckled, washing his hands under the shower tap and running his fingers though his hair, lathering shampoo through his brown locks. "No, gotten off just by hearing and watching someone before. I didn't even have to touch myself." 

Grizz thought it was a shame Sam couldn't hear his own moans, they were the best sound Grizz had ever heard. 

Sam felt himself go red, "oh." he murmured, limping behind Grizz and washing his body for him with a washcloth, pressing a kiss to his spine. "Thank you." he murmured. 

They soon fished their shower, and morning exploits, before Grizz had his arm around Sam's waist again, helping him maneuver to the bed. His limp wasn't as bad, and his body didn't hurt much aside from his rear, but he knew that was normal. As he watched Grizz get dressed, he found himself lost in his own head. A life in silence will often do that. He had given his virginity to Grizz. Thoughtlessly and carelessly. He had fooled around with two other guys before, but never gone all the way. HE had never trusted them enough. But he had trusted Grizz without a doubt, and he wasn't sure why or how to feel about that. Grizz had been so gentle and careful with him last night, not selfish at all. And this morning, he was taking care of him. Making sure he wasn't hurting anymore and even getting him off to ease his morning tension, without asking for any in return. However, Sam found it suspicious that Grizz had slept with him the night before he was leaving. He felt used, and he hated himself for letting Grizz take that part of him. He had built up so many walls, and Grizz had been part of the reason they were built. Now what? 

"Earth to Sam?" Grizz said, waving his hands over Sam's face to grab his attention. Sam snapped back into reality, noticing that Grizz was now fully dressed. "Let me help you get dressed. Do you want to wear one of my shirts? Yours is kinda torn form last night.. Sorry." Grizz offered, holding up Sam's button down to reveil the popped buttons. 

"It's okay, yeah that's fine." Sam murmured, after registering Grizz's lips and the sight of his ripped shirt. Another reminder of their night together. 

He watched as Grizz delicately picked up his underwear form the floor, sliding it up Sam's ankles and legs, gently hoisting Sam up to slide the boxers over his hips. Repeating a similar series of actions with a pair of Grizz's sweats, telling him he didn't think he should be walking around in wet swim trunks. He eased one of his t-shirts over Sam's head, the shirt was twice Sam's size, but he melted into the fabric nonetheless. Grizz thought he looked better in his shirt than he himself did. 

He helped Sam slip into his shoes, and did the same himself. He turned to face him. "Do you want to grab breakfast with me before I drop you off?" 

Sam sighed, a million thoughts and questions running through his mind. "No, its okay. I can call a cab." He mumbled, not bothering to try and speak well, he didn't quite care at this rate. 

Grizz raised an eyebrow, "What? Why would you want to do that?" 

Sam looked up at Grizz. The expression on his face was pure pain and turmoil, and Grizz immediately rushed to his side and sat beside him, "What's wrong, Sam? Talk to me." he spoke slowly. 

Letting out a sigh, Sam turned from Grizz slightly, staring straight ahead at the open window. "Grizz, why did you sleep with me last night?" 

Grizz felt confused, "I uhm.. I wanted to? I thought you did too... Did you not?" 

Sam shrugged, "I did, but now I'm not so sure.." 

Grizz felt a series of pins puncture his heart, stabbing little holes into the muscle, "What? Why? Did I do something?" His voice was raised, higher, and was cracking. He was grateful Sam couldn't hear the pain in his voice. 

"Grizz, you slept with me out of no where the night before you leave to go back home? After years of not talking to me? What else am I supposed to think?" 

Realzation hit Grizz like a semi. He placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, making him face him. "Sam, listen to me please." He cupped Sam's face in his hands. "I would never do that to you, I promise you. This wasn't just another hookup to me, or a one time thing. I didn't plan for our night to end up that way. But im happy it did. I want to see you again, soon, whenever you want to see me." He let out a shaky breath, searching Sam's eyes, "Sam, I care for you, deeply. I've never been so gentle during sex before, or so reluctant to meet my own needs. But sam, I care about you. So much, all I could think was how much It meant that you gave that to me, and how I didn't want to hurt you." He sighed, tears springing to his eyes, "This is not temporary, Sam. Not to me. What happened between us was real, I swear it. It meant something to me. You mean something to me." He spoke slowly and with diction, making sure Sam understood every word. 

Sam was crying, burying his face in Grizz's neck and wrapping his arms around his neck, sobbing. Grizz held him close, feeling even more guilty than he had two days ago when he Saw Sam again for the first time, memories flooding back of what he had done. He had hurt Sam, again. 

"I'm sorry I overreacted, I know you're not that kind of person, I just, overthink things a lot... Fuck, thank you Grizz, thank you... I don't regret anything, I promise." Sam sobbed into his neck, nuzzling him before looking up at him. 

"You promise ? Sam, I didn't meant to make this come off that way, I promise. I would never do that to you. I never meant to hurt you, with anything I've done. This isn't temporary to me, Sam. You would never be, could never be. " 

Sam kissed Grizz softly, "Come on, lets eat."

***


	7. You Will Be Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 5 months, and Grizz comes to see Sam Interpret for 'Dear Even Hansen' on broadway in New York City. Sam has no clue Grizz is coming to see him opening night, lets see how this goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So sorry this has been taking me so long! I've been going through a lot, but I'm back in the game and ready to write! Hope you enjoy!

Grizz murmured 'sorry's and 'excuse me's as he shuffled through the already seated row of the audience, making his way to his seat. He had arrived just in time, the doors had been about to be closed when he managed to squeeze his way through. Finally settling down in his seat, Grizz let his eyes scan around the large broadway theater. It was grand and elegant, making him feel somewhat out of place. And the house was packed, it had been a mirical that he had been able to get a good ticket, but he had also purchased it 5 months ahead of time. 

He had arrived so close to the show staring due to the fact that not only had his flight been delayed, but NYC traffic was a bitch, as per always. Grizz had worked hard to make sure he got the entire day off from work. While he loved his students, he was more than wiling to take the day off and have a substitute take over for him. He was flustered and pouring sweat, but was determined to enjoy himself. There were two reasons he had come to see this particular show; One, he loved the music and had always wanted to see it. He had even watch illegally recorded videos of the show on youtube. Reason number 2? This was Sam's big break. Sam had no clue Grizz was coming to see him interpret for the show, he had made sure to sound normal in their texts that day, and the nerve wracking days leading up to tonight. They had been texting and facetimeing non stop since Grizz had left back for Boston. They had become inseparable, much to Grizz's pleasure. He knew Sam still felt like Grizz had used him that last night together, and tonight was his chance to show him that he meant what he had said; this was not temporary to him. Sam was not temporary to him. Quite far from it. Grizz had deleted his dating apps, rejected and ignored coworkers that were interested in him, he was soley focused on only Sam. He had also taken up sign language lessons on the weekends, sometimes even after school when he didn't have a lot of papers to grade. Grizz prided himself in the belief he had been doing well. He wanted to prove to Sam that he was in this for the long run. He was 24 now, and had waisted so much time. He wasn't going to waste another minute. 

Grizz watched as the lights dimmed, and he caught sight of Sam going to the edge of the stage with a binder and music stand. Grizz was four rows from the front, on stage right, in front of Sam. He just hoped Sam wouldn't notice him. 

***

Tears slipped down Grizz's face as the intermission rolled around. The show was beautiful, and the expression on Sam's face to portray the emotions and lines he was interpreting, is what did it for Grizz. He had found it difficult to focus on much of the show, he couldn't keep his eyes off of his lover. He held the bouquet in his hands as he stepped outside to breathe in the cool fall NYC air, leaned against the back of the theater. His phone buzzed, it was from Sam. 

To Grizz: Intermisson now! Show has been crazy, wish you were here :/

Grizz chuckled, replying: 

To Sam: I wish I could be, I'm sure you're doing great! Good luck on the second half babe. 

Grizz smiled, Sam still didn't know. Glancing down at the bouquet in his hands, he began to wonder if he had chosen the right flowers. 

"Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom's are?" 

Grizz turned around and looked down, a small little old lady stood by him, hunched over slightly. 

"Yeah, They're right around the corner-" 

"Oh what lovely flowers! Yellow and pink roses, aboslutely beautiful! Which member of the show are they for? They're immaculate!" 

Grizz felt himself blush, "The sign language interpreter. He's my.. Well we've been close for awhile." He knew he was in New York, not West Ham, but he didn't want to push his luck with bigotry today. 

The old woman's face beamed, "Oh how lovely! He's going to adore them. Well, enjoy the rest of the show, you've got a great eye for color, you tall drink of water." 

With that, the little old woman walked away, and Grizz was left dumbfounded. The lights around him flickered, signaling that the intermission was coming to an end. Taking a deep breath, Grizz made his way back inside the theater. 

***

Tears were streaming down Grizz's face as the show came to an end, he clapped along with the audience, but he wasn't paying attention to the curtain call, he was paying attention to Sam, clapping in sign language, a huge smile spread across his face. The amount of pride Grizz felt towards his lover in that moment was unfathomable, most of his tears were from how proud he was of Sam. He made quick work of making his way out of the theater, and heading towards the main lobby where he knew Sam and the other interpreter, as well as the rest of the cast, would be to sign autographs and to take photos. But Grizz could care less about the rest of the cast or the crew, he only cared about seeing Sam. 

He waited in the lobby, nervously shuffling back and forth on his feet while his hands tightly clasped the bouquet in his arms. He then caught sight of Sam, slightly sweating and breathing heavily as he shook peoples hands, some people he signed with. But he looked so happy in that moment, his happiness radiating onto Grizz, making him smile. 

Sam's heart was racing and his adrenaline was pumping, the show had been exhilarating, and he knew this was for sure what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He hadn't messed up once, much to his surprise. He wanted to text Grizz, to tell him how it went, but he had people lining up to talk to him and have him sign their playbills, despite him not really being a part of the cast. He was grateful, but he wished more than anything he could share this moment with the man he adored the most. He had missed him horribly, and a part of him was still scared that Grizz had used him or was leading him on. Another part of him was scared the distance would be too much. But all of his worries washed away the moment he laid eyes on him; Grizz stood leant against a pillar, a large bouquet of yellow and pink roses in his arms. He was wearing a steak royal blue suit that seemed to shimmer in the light, with a black button down and matching blue dress pants. His unruly long hair was slicked back neatly, only a few loose strands fell from behind his ears. He was stunning. He towered over the crowd easily, and Sam's heart skipped a beat as their eyes met, he couldn't stop his smile from spreading. His body moved before his brain could think, his feat parting the sea of people in front of him as he pushed his way through, finally face to face with his lover. He looked up at Grizz, before he could say hello, he had reached up, cupping Grizz's face, and connected their lips, standing on his tippy toes to reach him. He kissed him desperately, afraid to let go and consumed in his lover's embrace. Everything about him was the same, that spark between them had remained and seemed to grow as the rest of the world fell away. 

Sam pulled away and sank back down to the soles of his shoes, smiling up at Grizz. 

"I didn't know you were coming!" He spoke and signed excitedly. 

Grizz took a step back, smiling down at the smaller man before signing, "I had to keep it a secret. But I did promise you I would see you again soon. I wanted to see you, opening night, in action. And you were amazing." 

Sam's eyes widened at Grizz's signing, he looked as if he had been doing it for years, not months. He was both impressed and grateful, his heart felt warm from happiness. "Thank you!" He signed, squeezing Grizz's arm. 

Grizz handed Sam the bouquet, "For you, I remember you wearing theses colors to prom back in high school, I hope they're okay." 

Sam's blush was darker than the pink of the roses as he brought them up to his nose and inhaled, they smelled wonderful. "I love them, they're great." He signed, setting them aside on a nearby table before wrapping his arms around Grizz, pulling him down to his own height to hug him closely. He let his eyes fall shut as he held Grizz close, relishing in the feeling of finally being in his embrace again, inhaling his earthy scent, and running his fingers through his hair. 

Grizz pulled away, "Can I take you to dinner?" He signed. 

Sam nodded, eagerly.


	8. Only Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Grizz go on a date and have a special night together, but what will happen when Grizz has an important question for Sam?

The pair stood on the balcony of Sam's apartment after their late night dinner. Grizz was mesmerized by the view; the Brooklyn bridge could be seen from up here, the city lights reflecting beautifully on the water almost as if its surface were a thin sheet of glass. The stars above them shone so brightly, they almost appeared to be dazzling and twinkling their light brilliantly in front of them. Tenacious moon rays seeped there way through the cracks of the trees. Grizz sucked in the cool fall hit greedily, enjoying the feeling of it tickling his tonsils. 

Sam's apartment was a small studio style loft, exposed brick, with outdated appliances. But the view made up for it all. Grizz could feel Sam's arms snake around his waist and his head rest between his shoulder blades, holding Grizz closely. Almost as if he were scared to let him go, like he would fly off of the balcony into the night, and this would all be some sort of dream. They had only left the diner a few minutes, and Sam's clothes were stuck to him from sweat due to the stage lights. The adrenaline had since died down. 

"I need to take a shower." Sam commented, causing Grizz to turn to him. "Care to join me?" 

Grizz felt his stomach twitch, "Of course." 

Taking Grizz's hand, Sam lead him to the bathroom, just off of the bedroom. The apartment was small, studio style, and the bathroom was the only actual 'room' in the entire open floor plan. Not that either of them minded. Grizz stood and watched, anticipation creeping through his bones, as Sam leaned over to turn on the shower tap. The bathroom, apparently, was the only part of the house that had been renovated: The shower itself was rather large, and a walk in. It had stones for the back splash, and marble tile along the flooring. The shower spray came from the tall ceiling. It was perfect, for two. Steam rose from where the water met the tile, causing the mirrors to fog and the temperature in the room to rise. But Grizz had felt overheated ever since the mention of showering together. For five months all he could think about was Sam, even when he was wanking, admittedly. He had been longing to touch him, craving him. He gulped while he watched Sam unfasten his belt, and took several large strides to reach his lover, Unbuttoning Sam's shirt, his fingers shaking. Grizz's breath was uneven, he tried his best to focus on the buttons, but he kept fumbling. 

"You okay?" Sam asked, looking up at him as he reached forward, shrugging off Grizz's dress coat. 

Grizz gave a stiff nod, "It's just uhm.. Its been awhile, I'm nervous I guess." 

Sam smiled, "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before, several times in fact if you count all of our snapchats." 

Grizz chuckled to himself, smiling down at Sam, expecting him to continue their conversation. Instead, he slipped his jacket off, then his shirt, exposing Grizz's chest and arms to the air. Sam took a step closer to him, taking his hand to rest it on his chest. When he let it go, Sam slid his hand down Grizz's torso, causing shivers to rise in Sam's wake, and tucked one finger into the band of his dress pants, Grizz bit his lip. Grizz felt everything welling up inside of him and he grabbed Sam around the waist and pulled him into himself, kissing him roughly on the mouth. His hand reached around to the back of Sam's neck, trying to get closer. But sam pulled away to whisper in Grizz's ear: 

"Don't think about how nervous you are, think about what's about to happen, and what we're doing right now." 

Grizz was surprised by Sam's boldness, still having an image of the shy little kid in the back of his mind, but it soon faded. 

Sam's lips pressed against Grizz's neck, and he held back the temptation to take his skin between his teeth. Sam kissed down his neck, and over the taught muscles by his shoulders, grazing him with his teeth almost involuntarily. Grizz let out a soft moan as he held Sam closer to him, a pressure building in his dress pants. Sam pushed against him, saying shakily. The friction was heavenly, but not enough. Taking a step back, Sam shrugged down his dress pants, and Grizz did the same, holding his breath. He watched with a watery mouth as Sam slipped down his boxer briefs, Grizz following suit. Grizz drank in the sight of him, willing his brain to remember every inch of his body. He could feel the most intimate parts of his body throbbing, and he found it to no surprise that Sam was the cause of this. Sam opened the shower door, causing steam to roll out like fog over a lake, gesturing for Grizz to join him. 

Once the shower door was closed, Grizz tucked both of his hands behind the backs of Sam's thighs and gathered him closer, hoisting him up to wrap his legs around his waist as he pinned him against the tile of the shower. The pain was there, but Sam ignored it as Grizz kissed him. Something about Sam's gentle but determined nips and licks always roused a hungry and inescapable urge in Grizz's veins. Knotting his fingers into Grizz's rebellious locks, he held his head in place as he sucked at his lips with something dangerously close to desperation. 

Dropping his damp nibbles to the swoon of Sam's throat, he resisted a shover when one of Sam's gasps- come- moans tickled the receptive bumps of his spine. His fingers stabbed into pinch of skin just beneath Sam's ass when Sam roughly tugged at the roots of his hair. Sam was doing the thing Grizz loved the most; softly scraping his nails across his chest, and freckling barely-there pecks against the shell of his ear. Both bare-chested and skin hot and wet from the overhead flow of the water, already starting to glisten with pre-bliss sweat, an unvoiced agreement was shared between them as they stole some sacred minutes, just to relish all the details that teased the senses. To kiss, touch, bite, sigh, savor; to memorize. 

Sam pushed away the charcoal tented tresses that were hiding Grizz's face, clinging to his skin from the water. He kissed him softly before Grizz could no longer handle the built up tension, angling himself at Sam's entrance and using the water to his advantage. 

"You ready?" Grizz asked, looking up at Sam who was hoisted up against the wall. 

Sam bit his lip, nodding, "Yes, please, I need you." 

"support yourself on my shoulders for a moment, okay?" 

As Sam did, Grizz lined himself up with one hand, gripping Sam's ass with the other, but the water was proving tricky to work with, his hand kept slipping. 

He let out a sigh, "Here, ill hold you up, line yourself up okay?" 

Sam nodded, Grizz exerted his energy into supporting the smaller man against the wall as He watched with wide eyes as Sam reached down between them, arching his hip slightly, and lining Grizz up again, sinking himself down slightly. With a slight wriggle of his body, Sam swollowed Grizz's desire inside, arching his back against the damp tiles and adjusting himself to the unfamiliar, yet heavenly, angle. The pain quickly ebbed, and Grizz sucked the thick air through is teeth as he melted into Sam's warmth, gripping onto his hips for dear life. The move of his hips made him grunt with lust. 

"Hold onto me." Grizz panted, making sure Sam could read his lips. 

Sam did as Grizz instructed, gripping onto Grizz's shoulders as he carried him to the solid side of the shower, pressing his back against it and thrusting deep inside of Sam. Moving Sam's body to help build a rhythm, Grizz rocked him slowly against him as he thrusted into him, his lips remaining firmly attached to any inch of skin could taste at this angle. Something between seconds and hours passed between the gradual build up; vilotal sways of bodies and languid brushes of lips. Sam's loud audacious moans bounced off the tiles, as did Grizz's as they danced together underneath the rain of the shower. Grizz's head lulled forward until their brows touched, spilling his coffee locks around them like a veil to muffle out the rest of the world. Their kisses matched the flow of their menstruations, slow but deep, and setting both of their nerve endings on fire. As the intimate bliss began to inflate beneath his stomach, Grizz propped Sam up with one arm, and with the other reached between them to jerk Sam off, his thrusts and jerks in perfect harmony. Bucking into Sam a little faster and harder, he knew from Sam's tell tale twitches that he was reaching the peak of his pleasure, and he broke their kiss, grasping Sam's face in his free hand so he could witness the moment dance across his features. 

The parting of his lips, his blinks of bewilderment, the dilating of his pupils and his choked whimper. 

Forehead kissing forehead and harsh breaths clashing between them, Grizz absently stroked lazy patterns against Sam's hip as his orgasm came, and simmered away, leaving a playful tingle in their bones as he slowly pulled out of Sam, letting him down on his feet, but never letting go. 

"I'll always remember us this way." Grizz signed, "But, let me get us both cleaned up." 

***

Grizz had been so gentle, yet again. He had taken care of him, held him up in the shower, even washed his hair for him. After, he had rubbed his legs and shoulders, even his feet. And now they laid, unclothed, tangled together in Sam's bed. 

"I really appreciated you coming today, by the way." Sam signed one handedly as he looked up at Grizz. He was laid against his chest. 

Grizz smiled, "Of course, I had to come."

"Grizz, why? Why did you come? And learning to sign? I don't get it." 

Grizz let out a sigh, "I told you last time, this isn't temporary for me. I'm serious about us, you and me. I wanted to prove that to you somehow. Plus I wanted to support you on your big night. If im in this for the long run, I refuse to just force you to read my lips all the time. I want to be able to talk to you in your language. I want you, and only you. For the past five months, you've been the only guy I talk to. I've never put in so much work for someone, but to me? This is worth it. You're worth it." Grizz sighed before continuing, "I want you, only you. Us, together." 

Sam felt tears springing forth to his eyes, "What are you trying to say, Grizz?" 

"I want to be with you, all yours, if you'll have me." 

Sam smiled, leaning in closer, "You have to ask?" 

***


	9. Hurt Me Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Grizz get into an argument over a series of Text Grizz reads on Sam's phone

Sam woke late the next morning, his body aching and slightly sore. Grizz had been gently that night, making sure to hold him up in the shower to clean him off, and even rubbing his back and legs for him. The gestures were not missed by Sam. He was grateful for them and longed to express that to Grizz. He didn't bother to open his eyes, he simply felt around the other side of the bed, only to find it empty. 'Maybe he went to the bathroom.' He thought. So he waited, and waited.

Finally, after five or so minutes had passed, Sam gave up on waiting. Only to open his eyes and see Grizz, sitting up straight in bed, with his phone in his hands. He was partially dressed, and at least a foot or so away from Sam.

Sam rubbed at his tired eyes. "Morning." He mumbled.

Grizz barely noticed him. He didn't address him or repeat the sentiment. It was then Sam noticed that Grizz had Sam's phone in his hands, not his own.

"Grizz? What are you doing?" Sam asked tiredly, slowly rising to a sitting position. Wincing when the pain form his rear came to bite him in the ass, literally.

"W-who's Chance?" Grizz stammered. But Sam didn't understand him.

"Grizz? I didn't catch that, please look at me when you talk." He noticed the tears glistening in his eyes lit by the sunlight flooded through the apartment. "What's wrong?"

Sam sat up and placed a hand on Grizz's arm, concern flooding his senses. He hated to see Grizz in pain, it made his heart break at the sight of it. His eyes were so dark yet filled with so many unfathomable emotions. leaning over to see what had made Grizz so upset. As his tried eyes focused on the screen, he saw it was on his messages app. There were several missed texts from Chance, his ex.

"Your phone kept going off, I thought it might be important so I picked it up. Saw that.."

"Grizz," Sam began, reaching for his phone, "Let me explain okay? It isn't what you think."

But Grizz cut him off, rising to his feet and hurling Sam's phone across the bed. "It isn't what i think?" Grizz signed, now turned to face Sam. His large figure towered over him. "You have some guy texting you that he loves you and sending you nudes, Sam! What else am I supposed to think?"

His hands were shaking with anger, obviously finding it difficult to sign properly when emotional. Sam could tell he was angry, that he was shouting. Tears spilled down his face as he stood there, hovering over Sam, partially clothed. Clad in only a pair of boxers.

"Grizz, please listen to me-"

"Listen to you?" Grizz repeated, running his fingers through his hair. "I took off work for this! I spent over 200$ on a plane ticket and hotel room to spend my weekend with you! I paid a ridiculous amount of money for a nice suit! I asked you to be mine last night , Sam. I've waited patiently for you for 5 months! And where did that bring me, huh?" He stopped signing for a moment. His hands were trembling. "I've done so much, Sam. And I was prepared to do so much more. Do you know how much this fucking hurts? Do you have any idea how this makes me feel? I get that you have needs, but so do I!"

Sam took this opportunity to scoot over to the edge of the bed, reaching up to grab Grizz's hand. "Grizz please."

Grizz snatched his hand away, "don't!" He sobbed. Sam watched with wide eyes as Grizz stalked over a few paces and hurtled his fist into the wall, not even reacting to the pain the exposed brick must have caused. He ran his fingers through his hair again, his knuckles bleeding. "Please just. Don't touch me. Especially when I know now that you've been touching someone else-"

"I haven't touched anyone else. At all. Not until last night. And not since the last time we were together."

Grizz stopped dead in his tracks. "What? But that guy-"

"Sit down. Please." Grizz did as he was told, sitting besides Sam on the edge of the bed. "Grizz, that was the guy I told you about that I was supposed to take with me as my date to the reunion?" Grizz nodded in understanding. "He gets drunk and texts me. He's done it three times. Well, four now. If you read through the messages, I haven't replied once. I should have told you, and I'm sorry." He wiped a tear from Grizz's cheek. "But I promise you I haven't spoken to him or seen him since you came along. I would never do that to you." He sighed, his heart aching from seeing Grizz in his current state. "What happened between us was real. I want you, only you. I promise. Okay?"

Grizz sniffled, turning to Sam. "Okay." He chokes out, wiping away his tears. "I'm sorry I overreacted. I just.. I'm so scared, Sam."

Sam raised an eyebrow, "of what?"

"Loosing you. I've never... Ive never cared this much for someone else. Especially not so soon. But Sam, I care about you. And I can't stand the thought of loosing you. Or the thought of you with someone else. I just can't."

"Oh, baby, that's never going to happen." Sam said, tears springing to his eyes as he kissed Grizz's cheek softly. "There's only you. I only want you and I'm not going anywhere. I promise. He's nothing to me. I swear. That ship sailed long ago."

Grizz placed his bleeding hand on Sam's knee. "He's... he's a lot better looking than I am though. Obviously he lives around here. It would be, more convenient for you I guess." He sniffled out, signing one handed.

Sam grabbed some tissues from his nightstand, and began delicately dabbing the blood from Grizz's hand. "He has nothing compared to you. In more ways than one." Sam began.

"Yeah but, i don't know...I've heard things about what I look like and I just. I don't know..." Grizz trailed off. "I've been told I'm too tall and too muscular. That I'm disproportionate and weird looking. I just get insecure sometimes about my looks."

Sam sighed. "Grizz look at me. You are beautiful. There's nothing ugly about you. Screw what anyone else has ever said. They're obviously blind. And with the distance thing, obviously I want to make us work. Distance doesn't matter. Chance was... probably the worst person I've ever been with. He was horrible to me. I thought that's what I deserved. But you? You make me feel like I deserve to be cared for and respected. You took sign language lessons for me! No ones ever done that. Especially not him. He tried to make me speak all the time. You're so special to me, Grizz. Even when you punch my wall only to have it punch you back."

Grizz chuckled through his tears. "Sam, can you teach me a phrase in sign language?"

Sam glanced up and smiled, nodding.

"How do you say, I love you?"

Sam smiled as wide as he ever had, signing the words for him, before kissing his lips sweetly. "I love you too." He signed, kissing him again. "Now, breakfast?"


	10. Cocktails and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Grizz decide to go to a club, where they run into Sam's ex.

The rocky start to the couples morning had simmered down quite a bit, but there was still a rise of tension in the air, but not a negative one. More of a sweet, comfortable tension; the promises that had been told still lingering in the air. They ate breakfast, which Sam had slightly over cooked the bacon, but Grizz pretended not to mind. In truth, he didn't. He was just grateful that his lover had cooked him breakfast even after his breakdown. Sam had taken care of his wounds, treating and bandaging his hand appropriately, peppering his knuckles with soft kisses for reassurance. It blew Grizz's mind, how caring Sam could be. How understanding and genuine. He knew by the look in Sam's eyes that he truly did love him. The feeling was quite mutual.

Grizz's insecurities had been put at ease after breakfast, when the pair took two showers, though only one was for getting cleaned up. Sam had whispered sweet, not nothings, but promises. With every kiss of Grizz's flesh, Sam would murmur "so beautiful" against his skin, those oceanic blue eyes shining up at him, making his promises concrete. Grizz wasn't sure how he had gotten so lucky. He still felt this impending guilt in him for his past with Sam, or lack there of. He wished he could go back, change it all. But what did good did "what if's" do? One of his favorite childhood novels had taught him one very important principle; "It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live."   
And that was true now more than ever. Grizz knew the more he focused on what he wished he had done, on the past, that he wouldn't be able to be present in what was happening in the now. He had Sam now, and he had plenty of time to make up for his short comings.

Grizz watched from his spot on the bed as Sam got dressed, styling his hair, attempting to tame his ginger curls. He was dressed rather plainly today; A black sweater, blue denim skinny jeans, black vans and a brown bomber jacket. But still, irresistible to Grizz. Grizz watched as he placed his hearing aid in. They were going to a show tonight in downtown Brooklyn; a concert. The idea that Sam proposed seemed odd to Grizz, considering Sam's condition. But Sam had explained it. Saying he preferred concerts, he could feel the music so strongly through the vibrations of the floor boards. It made since to him now, however, admittedly, he hadn't thought of that before.

Grizz was already dressed; black skinny jeans that hugged his legs perfectly, a fitted white t-shirt, and red flannel. His hair pulled back, a few loose strands falling in his face. Framing his heart shaped face beautifully.

"You ready to go?" Sam signed, turning to Grizz.

Grizz gave a nod of affirmation, rising to his feet and taking his lovers hand.

***

The bar was overstimulating, to say the least: flashing lights, disco balls, LeD's, heart racing, thundering loud music and colliding bodies. The smell of marijuana mixed with alcohol and sweat tugged at Grizz's senses. They had gotten to the concert a bit late, but luckily for Grizz, he could still see due to his height. It was being held in a small downtown night club, some up in coming band apparently. Grizz admittedly enjoyed their music, but didn't like the atmosphere as much. He liked partying back in high school, but preferred it to be 6 guys on a couch passing a blunt compared to this. Sam, however, was highly enjoying himself. Enjoying the pulsating beats of the music and the vibrations all around him, it made him feel alive. Like he could almost hear again. And that exhilarated him.

They had had a few drinks, thank god they had Ubered here knowing they would do so, and Sam was asking Grizz to dance with him. Grizz had always felt awkward about dancing, always needing quite a bit of alcohol to make his awkwardly long limbs move to the beat of music. Which, of course, he never succeeded in. But, when one is under the influence, one does not care.

"Let me grab some new drinks for us, alright?" Grizz signed.

Sam nodded, kissing his cheek, standing on his tippy toes to do so, before turning his attention back to the concert. Grizz chuckled to himself, admiring his partner in such a hypnotic happy state. Making his way to the bar, Grizz ordered two refills of their martinis when a sudden feeling of dread came over him. He brushed it off as he waited, the bartender taking his time to properly mix the vodka into his and the extra gin into Sam's. But the feeling kept growing stronger. Glancing over to the dance floor and stage, he let his eyes scan the room for his lover. As the bartender handed him their drinks, Grizz finally caught sight of that signature head of ginger curls. But there was a problem, he wasn't alone. A man, slightly shorter than Sam but appeared a bit older, was talking to Sam, standing way too close for Grizz's comfort. Primal, protective instincts kicked in and took over Grizz's rational thinking. Taking hold of both drinks, he stalked over to the pair to have a closer listen.

"Listen, I'm sorry, come dance with me. Let me make up for it." The older man slurred.

He was obviously drunk, and dressed rather provocatively. But then again, this was a gay bar. He wore a tight g-string that left nothing to the imagination, a mesh blue top and sneakers. Mature. Really mature, Grizz thought. The man was lean but built, making Grizz's skin crawl. He was beautifully carved and built compared to himself. He took a step closer.

"Chance, I said leave me alone! I'm not up for grabs anymore." Sam countered, just into Grizz's earshot.

He had heard enough. Now he knew who this guy was, and he had a few things he'd like to say.

Grizz stalked to Sam's side, smiling down at him and handing him his drink. Talking and signing; "Extra gin, as you asked." He glanced down at the older man who he now towered over. "Oh hey! I'm Grizz, Sam's boyfriend. You are?"

Sam felt his body go stiff watching the two men.

Chance looked Grizz up and down, but in his drunken state, was not intimidated by his size nor position. "Chance. Sam didn't tell me he was seeing anyone."

"I did, the first time you texted me. You were drunk, remember?" Sam countered.

Grizz held a hand up to silence his lover, all control lost at this point, "I've got this, babe." He signed. Speaking, "Well, he is. I know exactly who you are now. And I can tell you're making Sam uncomfortable. I suggest you leave."

His voice was low and stern, his stance held high and shoulders squared as he glowered down at the man.

Chance simply rolled his eyes, "You jock guys are all the same. You think you can intimidate me by your size? How about using your brain for once, fucking prick."

"Don't talk to him that way!" Sam bud in.

Grizz clicked his tongue. Raising an eyebrow, laughing to himself. Speaking and signing; "Use my brain? Hmm, let's see how does this sound: Leave. Sam isn't interested in you, your ignorance, disrespect, or your average sized, pencil dick, alright? Or would you prefer me to use my SAT words? Your incomparable incompetence to even begin to fathom someone as beautifully complex as Sam makes you unworthy to scrub his feet with your hair, let alone speak to him. Your unwillingness and inability to learn his language is blatantly disrespectful and childish, and quite frankly, you're disrespectful period. Learn how to read. He's not interested. You want him to read your lips, read mine: LEAVE."

Sam stood there, eyes wide, flabbergasted at Grizz's words, and struggling to stifle down his laughter.

Chance raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think he's interested in you, huh? What makes you so special? Better yet, what's got you so hung up on him? The retard doesn't even put out."

Sam tried to interject, but Grizz was far too quick.

"Shut your mouth! Don't you dare speak to him like that! I love him. I love him Because I see more than an object to be won in Sam, I see someone I love than needs to be earned. You don't have a right to him, you don't own him. So back off!"

Chance shoved Grizz, barely making him shudder. Grizz flipped his bangs from his face, his tongue darting over his lips before shoving the smaller man roughly, sending him hurtling backwards into a nearby table. Sam interjected then as Grizz went after Chance, placing his hands on his chest to hold him back.

"He's not worth it!" Sam signed, his eyes pleading with Grizz's.

The pleading look in Sam's eyes was all it took for Grizz to relax, giving him a nod and rolling his shoulders back, taking Sam's hand and leading him out of the club.


	11. I Take It all Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz goes back home

Sunday Morning

Sam used to miss waking up to the sounds of birds chirping in the morning. It would make him cry to no longer be able to hear them when he was a child. But now? Nothing compared to waking up to the sight of Grizz in the morning; the way the morning rays of sun would illuminate his features. to the steady rise and falls of his chest. His bruised lips from the night before. The peaceful expression spread across his hard features. His hair slightly tousled and displayed around his head like a halo. The comforting feeling of his arm loosely draped around Sam's waist. The sound of morning birds held no comparison to that of his lover who laid beside him.

He laid there for a few stolen minutes, running the tips of his fingers gently over Grizz's soft milky skin. Touching every freckle displayed on his exposed torso. He wanted to memorize every one of them, if he could. And he was determined to do so. Noting each of their colors and shapes. They way they were raised beneath his fingertips. Grizz was sculpted by some higher deity, it seemed, and he was beautiful. So beautiful. 

The thought of him leaving today was so bittersweet. While he knew that Grizz was his now, Sam still had to face saying goodbye , with no promise of when or how long it would be until he'd get to hold his lover in his arms again. He relished and cherished this moment, not knowing when his next opportunity would be to have it again. 

He watched in fascination as Grizz slowly roused from his deep sleep; his mouth opening, then closing. His eyes blinking away the sleep and brightness of the sun. He reached over to the nightstand and pressed a button on his phone, Sam assumed this was his alarm. He soon rested again, letting his head fall to the side and caught sight of his lover staring back up at him. 

"Morning." He grumbled, wiping away the sleep from his eyes. 

Sam smiled, placing a kiss on his chest. "Morning, love." 

Grizz pressed a lazy kiss to Sam's forehead. The sudden dread drifting over him and seeping into his veins; he had to leave today. His flight left at 2, and it was 9am now. He had purposely set his alarm early, so as to have more time with the man of whom he was so smitten with. He wanted to spend every second possible with him, suddenly sleeping felt like it had been a waist of time. 

"Do you want to shower while I cook breakfast?" Sam offered, siting up slightly. 

Grizz thought back to their breakfast the day before, grimacing. "How about, you shower and get ready while I cook? No offense, but I don't think burnt bacon will make me through the morning I have planned for us." 

Sam chuckled, "Fair enough." He signed, raising his hands in defeat as he slowly inched to the edge of the bed before descending into the bathroom. 

Grizz let out a sigh, he knew he'd have to watch him go yet again today, walking away from him. And the thought of that broke his heart in two. His amazing surprise weekend had fallen short of his mark, and he felt awful for letting his emotions get the best of him instead of appreciating the time he had with Sam. Letting out a huff, he sat up in bed, combing his fingers through his hair and finally made his way out of bed and to the kitchenette. 

He cooked what he knew sam would like; Scrambled eggs on toast, bacon, and oatmeal. With, of course, a cup of coffee. Memories of the night before when they got back from the club clouded his mind as he finished pouring them both a cup: 

**Flashback- After the club, Sam's apartment** 

While Sam could no longer hear, he knew damn well that slamming a door made a loud noise, and he made sure to do so once Grizz was inside the apartment. 

"I may not be able to speak very well, Grizz. But I'm able to speak well enough to stand up for myself!" Sam yelled. 

Grizz felt both shocked and angered that Sam didn't appreciate his sticking up for him. But he didn't get a word out before Sam started again. 

"I have had people speak for me my entire life, Grizz. Do you know what that's like? How that makes me feel." The smaller man choked on a sob. "It makes me feel stupid. The one word that people called me over and over. Retarded. I'm sick of it! Especially in that environment it's fucking embarrassing." He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Grizz waved in front of his face to grab his attention. "What do you want from me, huh Sam? Would you rather me stand there completely silent? And let him speak to you that way!" 

"Yes!" Sam yelled. "At least then I wouldn't feel so fucking pathetic." He sobbed. "I haven't felt that small since school, Grizz. I've been proud of my being deaf for years. But you know what tonight brought me back to?" Malice dropped through his voice and seeped through his next words, "all of those years of feeling ashamed and embarrassed of my disability because you made me feel that way. Because I was disabled, I wasn't good enough for you."

Sam was sobbing now, and Grizz felt a strike of pain go through his chest. 

""Sam" his voice cracked. "Sam that isn't true." He pleaded. "Sam, please. You know how sorry i am for that. You were more than good enough. You were too good for me, you still are..." 

**End of flashback** 

Grizz was snapped back to reality at the feeling of the hot coffee scorching his already bruised knuckles. The pain of the hot liquid seemed fitting, in that moment. Grizz felt as if it was just many of the things he deserved. 

"Smells good." Sam's voice ran through Grizz's ears as he approached the small kitchenette. Grizz hadn't even heard him walking towards him. 

"Oh uhm, yeah. Thanks." Grizz said awkwardly, scooting Sam his plate from across the small island. 

Sam noticed Grizz's shift in emotion, stepping towards him and placing a hand on his cheek. "You okay?" 

Grizz shrugged, "Yeah, just tired." 

***

The pair stood at the airport, just outside of the gate while the other passengers boarded the plain. 

"I'll miss you so much." Sam mumbled, pulling Grizz in for another hug. 

"I'll miss you too." Grizz signed, kissing Sam's cheek softly. "I'll see you soon." 

Sam pulled him in closely and kissed them, he could taste both of their tears on his tongue. They pulled away. With one last heartfelt looks, Grizz was gone.


	12. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz gets a new job offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you Enjoy! Sorry its been so long!

Mondays were always the same for Grizz: Get up, get showered and dressed, grab a cup of coffee from McDonald's, and go to work. While Grizz loved being a teacher, he didn't love the early mornings at all. He had hoped to get his doctorates so he could teach the college level, or at least get to that level easier, but his savings had run short. He didn't exactly enjoy the inner city drama that revolved around the high school where he taught, he couldn't even count how many fights he had broken up on his hands anymore.

He sat in his classroom, on his lunch break with the door closed. Ignoring the loud sounds coming from the halls. He felt hungover, after the flight yesterday and the exerting weekend, he needed a break. He had hoped his weekend with Sam would be a good one, however, it proved more strenuous than he had anticipated. But, at least he had finally popped the question. At least he got to see him. He just wished they had left things on better terms.

While their goodbye had been on a good, yet bittersweet, note, the days before had not. Grizz couldn't get those words out of his mind ever since Sam had told him the truth behind how he felt about Grizz's past actions from their childhood. Grizz hated himself for making Sam feel that way. Not to mention repeating the feeling.

His head was pounding relentlessly , and he was counting down the minutes until the day was over. Grizz jumped when the sound of his phone ringing snapped him out of his thoughts. It was a number he didn't recognize.

"Hello?" Grizz asked, answering.

"Hello, is this Gareth Visser?"

"Uhm, yes who's this?"

The person over the phone was an older man, Grizz could tell.

"This is the dean of the Brooklyn Academy of Art, Ryan Adams, did I catch you at a bad time?"

Grizz felt his heart skip a beat. He had applied for a position there months ago for their poetry professor position but hadn't heard from them.

"Yes, I mean, no this is a good time, I'm on lunch."

The man over the phone chuckled. "Mr. Visser, we've reviewed your application, as well as spoken to your superiors, and we'd like to offer you the position to be our poetry department head."

Grizz nearly fell out of his seat. "Really?! I mean, wow that's uhm. This is amazing. I'd love to!"

"Fantastic. We'll need you to come by sometime late next week to sign some paperwork, of course."

Grizz chuckled, barely able to speak. "Yeah, I uhm. I'll see what I can do, when does the job position open to begin? The beginning of next school year?"

"Oh no, Mr. Visser. The position starts at the start of spring term. One month, to be exact. I have been made aware that your schools winter break starts Thursday, correct?"

Grizz felt sick all of a sudden. A month? How would he figure out all of this in a month?

"Uhm, yeah. Yes we do."

"Then you should have no trouble coming by then next week. So, Mr. Visser, do you accept our offer?"

Grizz didn't hesitate. "Yes, I'll take it."

***

Wednesday

Sam was reading over the script for an off-broadway production of Waitress when his phone began flashing. He had been practicing all morning, ever since the script had been faxed over to his apartment, and now he had finally gotten a scene down and was being interrupted. Picking up his phone with an elongated sigh, he smiled when he saw it was a face time call from Grizz.

"Hey!" He said, answering.

Grizz smiled, but looked stressed. "Hey is now a bad time?"

Sam shook his head and glanced at the clock, "no," He signed, "it's 6pm. What's up?"

Grizz looked like he hadn't slept in days. There were large bags under his eyes and his skin looked ashen.

"I uh, I got a job offer. To be head of the poetry department at the Brooklyn Academy of Art."

Sam smiled, "that's great! You had mentioned that was your like dream job. You don't look so excited though?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Grizz let out a sigh. "Well. They want me to start right after the Christmas break. Which would mean me moving up there in less than a months time. I'd have to cancel my lease which is not going to be cheap and then find a place in my price range up there. Which, has proven to be impossible. I just needed your opinion on what I should do." He signed. His gestures were slow and thought out, like he was treading carefully amongst some sort of dangerous territory.

Sam thought for a moment. "This is your dream job, right?"

Grizz nodded. "Yeah. It has been ever since I got into Columbia and started with my degree."

"Then go for it. You'll figure out the kinks in the mean time. I mean, if you want, you could stay here for awhile while you figure things out?"

Grizz's eyes lit up, "really? I'd help pay rent of course. But you'd be okay living with me? So soon, I mean?"

Sam nodded, smiling, "I've known you my whole life, Grizz. I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New fic will be up tonight! Please share like and let me know what you think


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